untitled by me

i just wrote this poem today and wanted to share with you all. if you have been though the struggles of trying to have a baby you know how i am feeling right now. and if you have never had any kind of struggles with getting pregnant i hope this will help you to understand alittle of someone who is struggling to get pregnant feels. so far it is untitled and when i think of a name for it will let you all know what it is.

so here it is.

i hope you know how lucky you are
because i do
i hope that when you look at your beautiful, wonderful little ones that you know that you are lucky
i hope that when you cuddle up with your little one that you know how lucky you are
because you are very lucky.
i wish i could hear someone call me mommy
i wish that i could kiss all the boo boos away and wipe the tears away
i wish i had some one who climbs curtains or make your home look like a hurricane came though it.
i wish that i had a little one to cuddle up with.
i wish that i was a mommy.



as i type this out i notice it may need alittle more work to it so if i ever change it up or add more to it will repost it. i hope you like it and again it is a work in progress and that helps some to understand what it is kind of like for someone who is struggling to become parents.

may already

can you believe it is may already. april just went by way to fast. april was a sucky month also maybe that is why it went by to fast. i hate loosing family members. it was hard to see my sister loose her hubby. i am glad that we got to be there for her and their kids. and i also want to take the time to thank everyone who prayed for them. they are doing as good as they can right now. i am planning on sending them some cookies as soon as i can get them order but got to wait for some bills to clear the bank first. mike and i also went and put our house up for sale. come june 1st it will be on the listing at ballard's realtors. so if you or anyone you know wants to buy a house in winfield, al go to ballard's realtors on june the 1st and go check out our house. you may like it lol. we decided just to sell our house in al as it will get one bill off of us. and really need to get some bills off of us.

okay now to move on to other things. may is going to be a busy month for us. the party we was going to have last month we rechanged for this month so we will be busy with that. and i guess i will go ahead and tell you since we have told most of our family. we are having some tests done this month and hopefully also this month if not next month we will be starting the fertility drugs. i just got to get a ultrasound done which i go tomorrow to get that done. i just hope i can hold my pee lol. and i am going to go by the doctor's to make a appointment to have my tubes checked. i was suppose to called them on monday to make it but didnt have the time to, so as we will be close to the doctor's office tomorrow we are just going to swing by there and see about setting up that appointment. and yes mike has to have his little swimmers checked lol. so i am not the only one getting tests done lol. so yep we are going to be busy this month. i hope we get to take the fertility drugs this month but we are okay with june if we have to wait until then. but lets hope we dont lol.

now i just want to take the time to share something with you all. i have been doing alot of thinking here lately and i have decided to change a few things in my life. and the one and most important is that i am going to try my hardest not judge people. yes i have judge people before and i am very sorry about that. i think some of you may know who i judged and i know it was wrong when i was doing it but i did it anyways. i am very sorry for it. if the person that i judge is reading this know that i am very sorry and i hope you can forgive me. i have asked god to forgive me and i am learning to forgive myself and i am trying my hardest not to do this anymore. if you feel like i am judging you please let me know. and if you have felt like i have judged you in the past i am sorry. i am also still getting negative people out of my life so that is a change that has been going on for a few months.

well that is pretty much it for a update. i will try to update more later.