Saturday, April 30, 2011

the end of april is upon us

the end of april is upon us. i can not believe that april has went by pretty fast. sometimes i feel like i have not gotten anything done lol but i have gotten a few things done. got the room i was painting on painted with the help of two of my nephews. got the decorations made for my cousin's wedding shower. got a few things for the alice in wonderland party i am having in june. i still need to do a few more things for both of those and i will have it all done. for the wedding shower. i need the food and party favors. oh and started planning a graduation party for my oldest nephew. he graduates next month. i have stayed sick with all this allergy junk that is going around. cant seem to get rid of it. when i get to feeling better and want to spend sometime out side enjoying the nice warm weather it all starts acting back up again. i think i have hurt my back alittle some how. if it isnt better by monday i will go to the doctor and find out what is wrong. it doesnt hurt all the time. just when i turn a sorten way or getting up or sitting down. and the pain is that bad. it is something i can handle but going on over a week maybe longer is long enough.

i know you all are watching the news and is seeing all the reports on the storms that came though the south. yes i live in alabama. i am so thankful every day that all my family and friends are okay. i was sending up lots and lots of prayers on april 27. that we all will make it though all okay. i have lived in alabama all my life (minus the year that the army had us living in va and texas.) so i have seen some bad storms but nothing compare to this. it is like mother nature was angry. sometimes that day i got to thinking who ever made her angry better say sorry soon lol. the storms pretty much went around me. i was glad for that. i was with out power for a several hours. it had went out once about 300pm and then came back on about 430 but then went back out at 500pm and didnt came back on until 230 am on thrusday. some of my family is still without power but i am hoping and praying that they will get power back soon. oh and i also would like to ask everyone to pray for the families that has lost everything. and who has lost their loves ones. they are really needing the prayers.


i was hoping that i would have some really big news to share with you but as of right now we do not have big news. maybe we will have before june but i am not going to hold my breath on that. but please keep praying that this good thing happens for mike and i. we deserve to have good things to happen. just like everyone else does to.

well i am going to go but i hope you all are doing good.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

it is always so hard around the holidays

it is always so hard to not be a parent around the holidays. seeing the happy families together with their kids. seeing how friends or family members saying their kids this for them. or having friends or family members saying how their kids are learning why we have this holiday for. seeing friends or family members pregnant. it is so hard because it just seem like i will never have that. dont get me wrong i am so happy for my family and friends and i am glad that they do not have to go though this pain of not being able to get pregnant. but i can not help but to wonder why can not be me and mike. will we not make good parents. do we not deserve to have someone to call us mom and dad. do we not deserve to watch a kid grow up and become the person they are meant to be.

if it was up to me i would just skip the holidays. but i know if i dont show up and paste a smile on face then my family would get mad at me. i am just so tired of having to act happy when i am not. i am so tired of being told it will happen by people who doesnt even know what it is like. and i am tired of being told to stay positive or to stop beating myself up. well it is my fault that we can not get pregnant. i feel like i have failed mike in making him a daddy. i know what some of you maybe saying it isnt your fault but it is. it my ovaries that do not want to work and produce those eggs to make a baby with. so i do feel like that. it has always been my dream of becoming a parent. and right now i just feel like it is never going to happen. and i have the right to feel this way. especially around the holidays. so if i am not a happy go lucky person around the holidays get over it because i am tired of pasting a fake smile and pretending that things are all right.

Friday, April 15, 2011

happy birthday to my nephew

i just like to take the time in writing a birthday letter/blog to my nephew. 16 years ago today you was born. you was one of the most beautiful baby boys i have ever seen. you always had a smile on your face for any one. your smile would light up the room. we didnt have you long with us as the lord wanted you with him but for the year that we did have you in our life has made it that much better. we will always miss you and remember you and love you. and will always remember that smile of yours.

happy birthday jacob. i love and miss you.