its that time of year again

yep it is that time of year again where all you hear is happy mother's day. see mother's day signs in the stores. no i will not be celebrating mother's day again this year. i will not go to my parents on sunday. i will carry my mother her mother's day gift from mike and i on saturday but on sunday i will not be going anywheres. i will not even be getting on the computer to much because i do not want to see everyone wishing their friends are mothers a happy mother's day. i get way you that has kids or that are pregnant are celebrating. and i am happy for you all but be alittle respectful to the one that are trying to become a mommy but has failed time after time. and who wants to be a mommy so much. i know that may sound mean to some but it is hard each year that goes by and i am not a mommy. i do not wish this on no one. it is hard to pretend be happy when i am not. yes there are things in my life that are happy but this where i can not get pregnant makes me unhappy. some of you may know how i feel and some of you may not. if you dont dont say anything. dont even say that it will happen when it is time. do not say that god will grant you a child when he feels you are ready. because in truth you do not know what god has in store for us. and i am just tired of hearing that. do you think that god wants to see his child's (we all are children of god) heart breaking because she can not be a mommy. no i do not believe he does and i do not believe that he is withholding a child of my own from me. i feel that in my heart. i do not want to hear do not stress and do not think about just relax. let me tell you there has been plenty of times i have been relaxed and it hasnt happened. and look at the people who have had so much stress in their life and has never relaxed and they have children. and i do not want to hear if you have sex at this time of the month or that time of the month you will get pregnant. i also do not want to hear just quit trying and it will happen. just respect me on my decision of skipping mother's day and of my feelings even on other days. if the only thing you can is one of those things then dont say nothing at all. i know this may make some mad and you may not want to be my friend after this and that is okay that is your right. but it is my right to not to celebrate and think of myself on theses days. and like i also said before if you have never been though any kind of fertility issues you do not have the right to say anything at all because you do not know what it is like. you do not know how much your heart breaks each day, month, year that goes by and you do not have a little one in your arms. be thankful of that.