it is birthday day yay

yep today is my birthday. can you believe that i turned 31 years old today. i really wish someone tell me that the year i was born in is wrong and i am actually 29 lol. okay i am going to take being 31 like the woman that i know i am lol. i really do hope that 31 is going to be a good year for me. i really am thankful to have mike in my life. he bought me a kindle, a kindle cover, and a cd (which i had already gotten the cd a week or two ago lol.) and i would say that the thing that means the most to me that he got me would have to be the charm he got for my charm bracelet. i really love that. dont get me wrong i love all the gifts he got me but i just think the charm means more to me then anything else. my parents had given me money for my birthday so i went and got my hair cut today. but i am not going to have any birthday cake today. i had a piece on sunday at my parents but i will not be eating today. i know weird lol. but i dont want to make one for myself and i do not want to get back out and go to town to go buy one just for myself. next year i will have a piece of cake on my birthday.

okay time for alittle bit more of a update besides of my birthday lol. i can not believe that aug is almost over with. in two more days it will be sept and hopefully cooling weather is on the way. things are going good. i am starting to sleep alittle better at night. got alot of things that i was putting off doing done. and i am trying to stay busy. sept is going to be a busy month for me. carrying my mom to her physical therapy, getting things ready for the baby shower in nov. and trying to find someone who will not charge us a arm and leg to paint the inside of our house. we have two baths, two bedrooms, a living room, and dinning/kitchen that needs to be painted. and i really can not do it by myself. i can not move the couch and things like that around to paint. that is going to be how my sept is going to be for me. oh i can not forget about working out to. hopefully by oct i will have lost another pound or two. yeah it is a slow going but i will get there.

can you believe aug is half way over with

can you believe that aug is half way over with all ready. i so can not. it seems like yesterday it was the 1st of aug lol. i also can not believe that school has started back. three of my nieces and nephews started back to school on aug 5. and the rest starts back tomorrow. i can not believe how old they are making me lol. my oldest niece will be going into 12th grade tomorrow. i can not believe that. i can remember going to the hospital and visiting her when she was born. she was a preemie. you can not tell it by looking her but she was. in 16 days i will be 31 years old. in some ways it is going to be kind of hard to turn 31 because i had always thought i would done had about 2 to 3 kids by now and i dont. i had went school shopping with my sister inlaw and old niece and youngest nephew one weekend ( i think it was like the first weekend of aug) and it just hit me that if mike and i had had gotten pregnant on our honeymoon like we was hoping at that time. then our child that we would have had would be starting school this year or going into first grade one. it would just depend on when they would have been born. i had never thought of it like that before but i did on that day i went shopping with my family. and i just wanted to come home and cry.

okay enough of that. i was going to write back in july about that on like july 26 well actually 27 , 2006 i had found out that i have hypothyroidism and i also have pcos. the two things that is keeping me from getting pregnant. to tell the truth sometimes i wonder if there is something else going on to. i can not believe that it has been 5 years since i found out. it just doesnt seem like it. maybe this is going to be our lucky year. well we can hope and pray.

thank you to all my family and friends and a personal thank you to mike.

i just wanted to take the time to thank you all and to personal thank mike. i will start with all my family and friends. thank you all for being there for me and letting me be who i am. yes i know i may have my moments where i do not want to be around anyone but you all know that doesnt mean that i do not love you any less. sometimes i just need to destress. and also thank you to all my family and friends who wants to take the time to spend time with me and getting me out of the house while mike is gone. it means alot. you all know who you are.

okay on to thanking mike

mike thank you for always being there for me and for loving me. thank you for letting me be who i am. and also i would like to thank you for saying hi back at me on feb. 1, 2003. i really do think i was lost for so long and on that day when you said hi back i started to get back to the person i use to be. thank you for having patience with me trying to over come my fears. i have had them for so long that it is taken time to get over them. but i am getting over them. it is a slow go but i am. thank you for having that strong shoulder for me to lean on when i need it. i do not know where i would be to this day if we hadnt said anything to each other.

and i was also like to thank god for sending mike to. i really do feel like he sent him to me.

so can not believe it is aug

i so can not believe it is already aug. but in some ways i am glad of it because that means i am one more month closer to getting to see mike again. we still dont know when he is going to get to come home. let me tell you i wish we did know. i am so ready for him to be home. aug i am hoping is going to be a little busy for me. i am going to try to either go to the gym which is going to cost like 35 dollars but i can get a trainer and i think that would be good for me. or just going to go to the park and walk/ their nature trail one. i really want to loose some weight. i think though the best way to do that is go the route with the trainer but i just dont know if i want to spend the 35 dollars for it. i know it would be worth it but i just keep thinking that i could put that 35 dollars in the savings for either adoption or the fertility drugs or put it towards bills. but i also know if i can loose this weight and get back to a healthy weight for me it will be worth it in the end and i would look and feel a whole lot better about myself to. i will let you all know how it goes and which one i pick lol. also my birthday is this month. i am going to be 31 years old. i keep telling myself that i am not going to be 31 but 25 in the hopes that it will come true lol. yeah i know it isnt going to come true but hey i can try lol. i think one reason why i kind of wish i wasnt turning 31 one that i really dont have nothing to show for it. yes i have mike and i love him with all my heart and there is nothing i wouldnt do for him and he knows this. but i had always imaged that i would be married (which i am ) and would have had like 2 to 3 kids by now (which i dont). so yeah it is kind of hard for me to turn 31. i got to thinking the other (saturday evening) that if mike and i had gotten pregnant on our wedding night (which i think deep down we both had hoped for it that night and a several days after it) that our kid would be starting school or going into first grade now. i know i shouldnt think theses things but it is hard not to. i want to be a mommy so much. i know what someone of you are thinking it will happen for you one day dont give up hope. i am trying my hardest not to give up but as the years go by it is kind of hard not to. please if you have never had any problems with getting pregnant please do not say anything to me because you have no idea what it is like. and i would never wish this on anybody.

well that is my first of the month update. i hope you all are doing good and i will update more later.