i so can not believe it is already aug. but in some ways i am glad of it because that means i am one more month closer to getting to see mike again. we still dont know when he is going to get to come home. let me tell you i wish we did know. i am so ready for him to be home. aug i am hoping is going to be a little busy for me. i am going to try to either go to the gym which is going to cost like 35 dollars but i can get a trainer and i think that would be good for me. or just going to go to the park and walk/ their nature trail one. i really want to loose some weight. i think though the best way to do that is go the route with the trainer but i just dont know if i want to spend the 35 dollars for it. i know it would be worth it but i just keep thinking that i could put that 35 dollars in the savings for either adoption or the fertility drugs or put it towards bills. but i also know if i can loose this weight and get back to a healthy weight for me it will be worth it in the end and i would look and feel a whole lot better about myself to. i will let you all know how it goes and which one i pick lol. also my birthday is this month. i am going to be 31 years old. i keep telling myself that i am not going to be 31 but 25 in the hopes that it will come true lol. yeah i know it isnt going to come true but hey i can try lol. i think one reason why i kind of wish i wasnt turning 31 one that i really dont have nothing to show for it. yes i have mike and i love him with all my heart and there is nothing i wouldnt do for him and he knows this. but i had always imaged that i would be married (which i am ) and would have had like 2 to 3 kids by now (which i dont). so yeah it is kind of hard for me to turn 31. i got to thinking the other (saturday evening) that if mike and i had gotten pregnant on our wedding night (which i think deep down we both had hoped for it that night and a several days after it) that our kid would be starting school or going into first grade now. i know i shouldnt think theses things but it is hard not to. i want to be a mommy so much. i know what someone of you are thinking it will happen for you one day dont give up hope. i am trying my hardest not to give up but as the years go by it is kind of hard not to. please if you have never had any problems with getting pregnant please do not say anything to me because you have no idea what it is like. and i would never wish this on anybody.
well that is my first of the month update. i hope you all are doing good and i will update more later.
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