why does things have to be so hard

we had to go to this hale and farewell dinner for mike tonight (it was really good to hear good things said about him) there was some with their kids there and one person asked if we had kids yet and we said no. they said that is good it is hard to move with kids. i know that they didnt know that we have been struggling with infertility and i feel like if they had they wouldnt have said that. no we usually do not come right out and say we are having problems in that area. because sometimes we feel like that there is a time and place to talk about it and i dont think that a hale and farewell dinner is the right time to be talking about infertility issues. some people may feel differently then us but we dont feel like that is a right time to talk about it. but it does hurt to hear some one say that to you and it also hurts to be sitting around people talking about their kids or showing pictures of their kids to everyone (that is if they didnt bring their kids with them) i know mike and i decided to stop with the fertility treatments but it still hurts to hear people talk about their kids. i know that we are still in the grieving process of not being able to have our own kids and i know that we are going to adopt but we still have to grieve. it is really hard. i was sitting there the whole time while they was talking about their kids wishing that i was home and in bed with the covers pulled up over my head. i just bite the inside of my lip and and bared it. i hope and pray that one day soon that this grieving process ends and things like this doesnt hurt me so much. i know it is going to take time but i wish that time would go by quickly. or that we God grants us our little bundle of joy soon whether it be thru adoption or me getting pregnant on my own. (yeah i still hope that i get pregnant on my own some day but i know in my heart that if i dont that i will be okay because jan is just around the corner and we are going to start the adoption process then)

(for those not in the military and if you are wondering what a hale and farewell is. it is a dinner usually at any kind of restaurant, where they welcome the new soldiers (usually officers. at least i think it is officers. that is usually what the ones i have been to has been haha) coming in that unit that is having the hale and farewell. and they are saying good bye to the ones leaving the unit. since mike is leaving the army and hopefully getting back into the national guard we had to attend this hale and farewell as they was farewell him. sorry if you didnt want to know what it was i just wanted to let you know just incase you ask)