wishing on someone else's start

a name of a song and part of the lyrics fits me perfect right now because i do feel like i am wishing on someone's stars. theses words are the words i am talking about

" i guess i must be wishing on someone else's star it seems like someone else keeps getting what i'm wishing for why cant i be as lucky as those other people are i guess i must be wishing on someone else's star."

that is how i feel right now and this infertility. no mike and i will not be announcing that we are pregnant any time soon because we are not pregnant. it just seems like every time we make this wish someone else gets pregnant and we dont.  i can not tell you how many of our friends and family that is pregnant or just had a baby. and some of those are way younger then us. it is like you are happy for them but sad and mad to. can you be all three at one time yes you can. i try not to let the saddness and maddness get to me or show it to others but somedays i can not help it. like right now it makes me so mad to hear about a teenager getting pregnant. it is like why a teenager can get pregnant and some one who is almost 33 years old can not get pregnant. it freaking sucks so bad. i hate feeling like a less of a woman because my body doesnt want to make a baby. i know we are planning on adopting and we hope to be able to start the adoption process in jan but i still feel less of a woman right now. if you have never been thru infertility then you wont know what i am talking about. i will try to describe it as best as i can. you all know that a woman produces the egg and carries the baby in the uterus so it is the woman's job to carry and protect that baby. well i can not seem to do that. it yes it makes me feel like less of a woman. i know that right now i am grieving over not being able to get pregnant and i know that i will start to feel better about all this and about myself soon. i just need to get thru this and i need some strength and i know where i can find that strength at.

i also want to take the time to say this to people. if life isnt handing you what you want the most in life or you are just feeling down in the dumps look to the things you do have. like if you have kids look to them. they are the most precious thing that life will hand you. never take them for granted. be grateful to have them in your life. spend more time with them. look to them and let them be your strength. if you dont have kids look at the person sitting beside you. i am so thankful and grateful for mike. he has been my rock and strength thru out this whole infertility issues. he has let me cry when i needed. he has stuck with me thru thick and thin. he has never made me feel less then a woman (even though i feel that way sometimes but he has never made me feel like that) he has been right by my side thru all the crazy hormones that those fertility drugs had running thru my body. he went to every one of my appointments. like i said i am so thankful and grateful for him. God knew what he was doing when he sent mike into my life so thank you mike for always being there for me. if you do not have spouse look to your parents or siblings. be thankful and grateful for them. they are the ones that will always be there for you. if you dont have that look to your friends. you will see who your true friends are in life when you go thru a struggle and they are right there beside you help you thru what ever it is you are going thru. and most important look to God. God is never going to leave you in your time of need. i am glad that i have God in my life. he has sent me the most loving man because he knew i would need someone like that. he has given me two parents that has never given up on me. he has given me a brother and sister who i know will always be there for me. and he has bought tons of nieces and nephews and one great nephew (so far haha) that can make me laugh and smile when i need those laugh and smiles. he has also bought into my life the best friends a girl can ask for. i am so truly blessed right now. and i just need to keep reminding myself that. so thank you all and thank you God for the blessings you have given me.