so ready for this move to be over with

i am so ready for this move to be over with. when ever i just sit and think of all that needs to be done and where to begin i just get so stressed out and it is effecting my anxiety level. so yeah i wish this was over with. i wish it was over and we was settled in a new place. i hope that we are in a new home and settled or at least semi settled by my birthday. a little over 60 days and i will be turning 33 years old. i really do hope we are in a new home by then. i think we might will be but i am not going to hold my breath on that. i just want to relax and i feel like i can not relax because i am stressing and worrying over this move. please pray that things settle down soon for us. the only time that i really feel like i am not so stressed or worrying much is when i am working out and i cant do that all day long. cleaning doesnt help with relaxing me. i just want this over with already. i know only like 30 something more days and we will be moving but i am just ready for it to be over with.

what is it with people now days

what is with people now days. do they not want to spend time with their kids (no matter the age) or what. do they not want to take care of their kids anymore. why have any if you are not going to take care of them or spend time with them. why let your kids take care of their selves. dont get me wrong i know kids needs to learn how to be responsible but do you not realize that with you not being home with your kids and teaching them how to be responsible is showing them that you either just dont care or is teaching them that it is okay to not be responsible when they become adults and has kids their selves. that is one thing that is wrong with kids now days. look dont get me wrong i am not saying that you should quit your job and just stay home with your kids 24 for 7 but what i am saying is that theses people who are either sitting on their butts and letting their kids go wild or parents who gets off of work but doesnt go home to be their kids. they go somewhere else. that is not being a responsible parent. and i know that some times parents need to take some time for their selves but you should not leave your kids at home by theirselves in the evenings every single day. spend some time with them. show them that you truely care for them because i will tell you this one day when your kids grow up they may not have anything to do with you anymore if you dont.

and other thing that gets me and i can not figure out is why people want to rush their life away. they put too much pressure on theirselves to get things done that they rush and rush and rush and then something bad happens. slow down take a breath and really think is loosing my life or the life of other more important then living. i would whether take things slow then rush because living is more important then dieing.

and like two more things that just gets me. one is the disrespect that some kids ( well not just kids there are some adults like this to) has now days. they want to walk right over people. they want to be so disrespectful either to a parent or a grandparent or just everyone in general. they also want to take advantage of others. is this how you want to be treated. i tell you what i will treat you the way you treat me. if you disrespect me then you count on me being disrespectful to you. dont get me wrong i know some people has bad days but there is a difference in bad days and being totally disrespectful. if you are having a bad day dont take it out on others. just say excuse me but i need some time a lone to decompress from the day i have. so will you please just give me like 5 to 10 minutes or so by myself. and the last thing that gets me is how kids (and even some adults) wants to spend all their time on theses games system or playing computer games for. pick up a book to read every now and again. get up and go outside and get you some fresh air one. dont make playing theses games your life. (which if you had a job making the games would be good but still dont make it your life) if you make playing games your life that isnt much of a life.

yep i just dont know what is it with people now days as you can see haha.

may not have it all but i love my life

i may not have it all but i love my life. i may not have all the money in the world but i am rich in family and love. money can not buy you happiness. at least not true happiness. true happiness is the love and the family you have. at least to me that is true happiness. i have two parents who are always there for me when ever i need them. i have one brother and one sister and countless nieces and nephews that i know that loves me. even though we all may get on each others nerves at time. i know that we all love each other. we may fuss and fight but in the end that doesnt even matter because we know that we love each other and will always be there for each other when ever we need each other. i have mike who is a wonderful husband. i could never ask for a better person to be married to. he loves me for who i am and supports me in what ever i want to do and i know he feels the same about me. i have countless friends that are the best that i could ever ask for. even though we maybe miles apart i know that they are there when i need someone to talk to. i also have butt load (a big butt load ) of cousins that are there to. and most important i have God in my heart and i know that it is God that has bought these people in my life.  for all that i love my life and i feel so blessed to have everyone in life.

weight loss challenge

i am fixing to start a weight loss challenge with mike. i think it will be fun. i have about 50 to 60 pounds i need to loose and i think this will help me loose it. and having a partner in crime will help a whole lot. he has always supported me in anything i do so i am very lucky to have him in my life. mike said that he needs to loose like about 20 pounds.

this is our challenge.

if both of us loose 5lbs by july 12, 2013 we both will get $10. but if only one of us loose the weight then only one of us gets the $10. i hope we both does good on this. and then in a month we may change the challenge up some. wish us luck on this.

its official

it is official. well it had been official but i was a little scared to call the doctor to let them know that mike and i decided that we are just going to move on to adoption. even though i know this is the right choice for us i was still scared to call the doctor. it took me like a week to get up the nerve to call them. they was so nice and sweet about our decision. actually the whole time we was going to this doctor office everyone was so nice and sweet. we never got talked down to or anything like that.  i am glad that i got my nerve up and called them to let them know instead of keeping them in the dark about our decision. now we just got to get things ready for this move and then get settled so that way we can start the adoption process.

alittle proud of myself right now

i am alittle proud of myself right now. was told that a family member of my is pregnant and i didnt get upset or anything like i usually do. i am happy for this family member. this will be their third child but it has been several years and i mean several years since she had her other kids. i know she has always wanted another baby and has tried for a while. so i am happy for her. i usually get upset when i hear about a family member being pregnant. i usually cry and ask why them and not me but not this time. i guess it still hurts alittle but not like it use to. maybe it is because i know that we will be adopting so we will be holding our little one one day. i just hope it is soon.

i just wanted to say i am proud of myself right now for not getting upset. congrats to my family member who is pregnant. i hope it is a little girl so we can play dress up haha.

how to say this but in a nice way

how to say this but in a nice way. guess i need to explain something first. i am in this group for infertility no i am not going to say the name of the group because the group itself is a good place to go. but i would like to say something that was kind of bought up within that group. one is baby fever. you know i really believe that no matter how old the child of the person that has baby fever is should matter. what should matter is if that person is a good parent. i have seen some people that should never have kids (people who beat or murder their child) but they are constantly having more kids. and another thing i seen where i thought was really uncalled for was talking about other peoples kids no matter if that child has a mental illness or not no one should be talking about other people kids. even if it is supposedly a friend of yours then why talk about that friend and their children. i guess that is just showing what kind of person you really are. i guess what i am saying is this you never really know what a person is going thru. you never know when a person is struggling with infertility (dont forget that some people are not open about this subject as others are). and not only that god only gives us what we can handle. he is the one that knows are true strength even when we do not know it for our selves. and not only that but how would you feel if someone started talking about your kids. you know i would be pissed royal pissed. so that is why i do not talk about other people kids. it is not fair to those people or to their kids. the kids are the innocent ones here. so please to everyone out there think before you speak about anyone or anything because you never know what kind of relationship you will be ruin or who feelings you are hurting. i have been learning this because there has been times i have spoken about things before thinking and i am lucky enough that this person or people are finally talking to me. (that is on a different subject that i wish not to bring up but i just wanted to say that i learnt from my mistakes and would like to share please think before you speak because you never know who is listen or who you are hurting. and sometimes things comes back to you.)
i would also like to say that maybe this person or people in this group didnt intend for it to come out the way you did and that is why you need to think before you speak or type.

feeling like someone is talking about me.

have you ever just had that feeling that someone is talking about you. i have been having that feeling for the pass few days. it is a very irritating feeling. you know what i have to say to theses people talking about me. talk all you want because in the end that is showing who you really are. i try my hardest not to talk about people or even judge them but it just seems like here lately people are talking about me or judging me (yes this is how i have been feeling and usually your feelings has some truth in them). i was raised to do unto others as you want them to do unto you. so if you want my respect then respect me. because i do try to respect others. i hate feeling like people are talking about me. it never feels though. i had people talking about me and making fun of me as a kid. i also try not to gossip about other people but people are doing that about me and about some people i know. you know if one person would just step back and say hey how would i feel if some one was talking about me or spreading rumors about me to others. (rumors and gossip and talking about people goes hand in hand doesnt it) i bet they would think that it would hurt them and that they have feelings to. then maybe they just wouldnt spread things around. also it only takes one person not to carry on those gossip and rumors (you know continue to spread it around). then maybe just maybe it would all stop but then again it wont stop because there is always going to be someone out there who is going to say something about someone. and it is a never ending story. at least that is how it seems. you know i hardly ever talk about others as i know it hurts but sometimes i do let my feelings out towards people. but i know that if i do not vent or let my feelings out about how others are doing me it is going to eat me from the inside and until i have anxiety attack. i have been there and i will never go there again. so if anyone sees where i vent to other friends about something and think you know who or what i am talking about think before you go around talking about me. maybe my feelings has been hurt and i need to vent it out sometimes.

hmm i guess that is a little bit all over the place a little isnt it. sorry about that. it just gets me that people assume things about me or about what i say and then go and twist it around to what ever their mind wants to make it be. again i hate the feeling that someone is talking about me. and i hate gossip and rumors. but like i said to those who are out there talking about me. just know that in the end it is just really showing who you really are. i will continue to be the person i am (which i am just now finding that person again. actually i found that person again when i meet mike. he has helped me find who i was and i am very grateful for him. keep a look out for a blog about him and our relationship it will be coming in a few weeks as it will be our anniversary in a few weeks so can not wait. so keep a look out for that blog. )

is learning who my true friends are

i am 32 years old and i guess you can say i am just learning who my true friends are. the friends that actually care. the friends who will check on you when you are down. the friends who are always there no matter the distance or the problem. yes i had some idea of who was my true friends as a kid and i am so thankful for those friends but i am not talking about those friends. they have always been there for me thru alot. and they know who they are. i do not have to name them. and the friends i have made as a adult i do not have to name those because they know who they are. it is just sad that when adults could care less if their friend is going thru something. they could care less the pain that their friend is going thru. instead of being there for them and checking up on them or even just supporting them even from a long distance they are not there. it is time to be adult and show the world what alittle bit of kindness can do. if you are just now becoming adult i want to give you a little advice. be there for your friend even if it is long distance be there for that friend in need. even if it is just a message thru facebook, a text message, a email, or even a phone call be there for that friend in need. because you will never know when you will need a friend and you just might not have any there for you. i am so thankful for the true friends that i do have. i thank god for them. he has bought them into my life for a reason and that is to show me just the blessings that i have thru them. so to all my true friends out there. you know who you are. thank you so much for always being there for me and supporting me and checking up on me it means a lot. love to you all.

photography tips

just some photography tips that i have learnt in my studies so far. just wanted to share some of them with you and maybe they will help others. but if you would like to take some online photography classes the bbest place is new york institute of photography. i have learnt so much from them but i know i still like some more things to learn and needs to practice more. okay so here we go

tip one (or they call it guide line one) is Guideline One: What's my subject? this is what it says. when you are taken a photo think what is my subject. if you are taken a picture with a child in it. is the child your subject. what about a dog. is the dog your subject and so on.

tip two Guideline Two: How can I give emphasis to my subject? after you have decided on what your subject is going to be next is to figure out what is emphasis your subject.

tip three Guideline Three: How can I simplify my photograph? for this time you need to pay attention to your background. like is there something in the background and even foreground that is going to take a way from your subject. you dont want the background or other objects in the photo to take a way from your subject. what ever that subject maybe.

those three tips is what i try my hardest to stick to when i take a photo. there is some more that i am going to share with you that is pretty good also

tip four pay attention to your lighten. if you are taken a photo outside pay attention to the sun. do you really want a photo of your subject squinting. that is really not a appealing photo. no one wants a photo of theirselves squinting. if the sun is shining directly at your subject move them into a shade or with the sun behind them. or to the side of them.

tip five focus focus. make sure that your focus is going to your subject. also make sure that your subject is in focus. do you want a photo of yourself all out of focus.

tip six. exposure. keep a check on your exposure (i know i need more practice with this one. yes i am not afraid to emit where i need more practice at) you dont want to over exposure your photo or under exposure. most dslrs has it where you can pay attention to how the photo was exposured. you can also use a light meter (some cameras has a built in light meter ) or even a gray card to help with getting the correct exposure. but if you dont have either one of those you can also use like a poster board.

okay i think that is it for right now. i may do another blog about some photography tips later on. i hope that maybe i have helped some people and maybe just maybe one day soon i can get more practice in with my photography. i hope you all are doing good and is having a good safe fun summer so far.

weight loss update

i just thought i would do a little updating on the weight loss journey. it has still been going slow. i am trying to get back into walking every single day and do ab workouts. i may try to add some zumba in there somewhere to. i got some complex B vitmans so maybe that will help me keep my energy up. i also got some of those cinnamon pills to take to since i can not take metformin. the cinnamon pills is suppose to do the same thing as the metformin. well close to it at least i think so. that is what some people has told me. i also got some of those green coffee bean pills. they are suppose to help you loose weight also but we will see. i will let you all know how it goes. i am still at the same weight i was when i updated a few weeks ago. but hopefully in a week or so i can write that i have lost this much weight (what ever that weight maybe but i do hope i loose some lol)

that is it for the update for now. but hopefully i will be updating how it all is going soon.