saying bye to 2012

here is a good bye to 2012. i can not believe that tomorrow will be 2013. where has this year gone. been alot of up and downs for myself and my family this year. my sister lost her hubby. my brother got a divorced. mike and i didnt get pregnant this year like we was hoping to. there was alot of good things also. like being able to spend the fourth of july with our family. being able to spend our anniversary together. being able to spend our birthdays together even though i was sick on my and still recovering from that kidney stone surgery on mike's birthday. i had my follow up appointment for that on friday and it went good. he told me that the kidney stone that i had was Calcium oxalate stones. he told me that i need to make sure i drink plenty of water. and that if i get another one i will have to have more tests done. i hope and pray i never get one. i hope and pray that no one gets a kidney stone. those things are not fun. even though i did not have alot of pain with my kidney stone. but i know alot of people who has had a lot of pain with them.

what i hope 2013 will bring. lets see first of all i hope that it brings happiest and peace to my family and friends. i hope that the family members or friends that are going thru a tough time will find peace and strength. second i hope that 2013 will bring mike and i a baby. we want to be parents so much and we can not wait.

well we know that 2013 will bring a new bundle of joy in lives in the form of our great nephew. he is suppose to be born a round easter and we are going to go in and spend time with family for easter and hopefully be able to meet our new little nephew. that little guy is going to be spoilt rotten lol.

last but not least to our readers. we hope that you have a very happy new year (and you stay safe with what ever you have planned to bring in the new year) and we hope that 2013 brings you peace, happiest, and joy.

love to all our family and friends and to our readers. 

edited to add some photos from dec 31, 2012 our last photos of us for 2012.

merry christmas / happy holidays

merry Christmas and to those who doesn't celebrate Christmas. happy holidays to you. i hope you all are having a wonderful time this holiday season and that you are staying safe. mike and i are doing wonderful. things are going great. we are not that bad stressed this year. we are still alittle worried about my grandmother though. she is still in the hospital. it seems like she has pretty much been in there this whole month. at first they didnt think she was going to make it but so far she has. she started to do alittle better and then last night we heard her oxygen level started to go down again so they had to put her on oxygen again. but so far we havent heard anything else about her. i hope she at least hangs in there until after christmas. i kind think that maybe what she is doing but we will see. the only thing we can do is pray that god does what he knows is best for my grandmother. okay other then that things are great.

we are hoping and wishing that somethings comes true. but we will see. we can only pray about them but it is all good things though. hopefully either in feb or march we can share it with everyone (that is if it is really good news lol) so keep a watch out for those months and see what i update you all about lol.

well i am going to go but i just wanted to take the time to wish everyone a merry christmas and happy holidays. (i will write a new years blog on the 31st. )

On Instagram

I just wanted to write about this Instagram problem or whatever you want to call it. Yes I did have it installed on my iPad and iPhone. I had seen where they had the new terms and agreement up like a day or two ago. But I hadn't read it until a friend on twitter had shared the cnet report on it and decided to read it. After I had read it I deleted my account. Then after I had deleted my account some friends on Facebook was telling me that they hadn't meant to put that in there ( the part about them being able to sell your photos). This what I have to say about that. It seems funny to me that they had that terms and agreement up for all to read for a day or two ( I want to say two days maybe a little longer. But I do know that it was up yesterday ) and they are just now saying that they did not mean for that to be in there until after cnet reported on it. You know what I have to say that if they didnt mean for that to be in there why not have said something before today. They are just trying to cover their butts on that. And yes they will go back and reword all that so you will not understand what you are agreeing to. I will not use that app or support that app any more. Yes I know Facebook is the ones that owns it now and I am in the process of going thru my photos on there and deleting some as I do not feel like anyone should sell my photos but me if I so choose to do so. My photos is just for me to share with my family and friends ( just my family and friends). I really do not want to delete any but I am going to. It makes me mad that I have to limit what I share with my family and friends when I live so far from my family and friends. I love sharing what goes on with mike and I with our family and friends and I am going to try my hardest to share some of the important things with them.

some pictures of mike and i

i realized that i havent added any new photos of mike and i. so i thought i would add some that i took today. the top photo was taken at the park and the bottom photo was taken in the hall in our home. i am thinking of using them in a photo project for my online photography class i am taken. i think they may work but not to sure about the bottom one. but here you go. a new photos of mike and i.

in hardship comes strength

in hardship comes strength. i thought that was a good title for a blog and something to good to write about at this time. yes yesterday was a very sad day and those families and friends of those families and just that town period will be sad and depressed for a while. but i know that there will be a day that will come that they will see that they have strength. you do not realize the strength that you have until you go thru a hardship. and you may not realize the strength that some one else has until they go thru a hardship (no i am not talking about physical strength. i am not talking about emotional, mental strength.) i have seen people in my family go thru some hardship this year. i seen my sister and her kids loose her husband and their father but i have witness and is amazed at the strength that they have shown. i have seen family members go thru a divorce and the strength that they have learnt that they have from that. i have seen family members struggle with money problems and they are getting thru that and yes that have the strength to get thru it. like with mike and i we have struggle with infertility every since we got married (which so far it has been 8 and half years of trying) and i am surprised that we have not broken down at all. i am amazed at the strength that i have during this time. yes i know some people might say that is nothing come paired to other things that is going on in this world but let me tell you if you have never struggled with infertility you do not know what it is like. you do not know the up and downs you can have with each month of finding out that you are not going to be a parent. i hope and pray that no one has to go thru all this. i hope and pray that one day people will stop killing others. but i do have to believe that until that day comes that we are here for a reason and to learn what kind of strength we do have. and you know where that strength comes from. i do, in my heart i believe that god gives us what he knows we can handle and sometimes he shows how much strength we truly have in ways  that is difficult for us in that moment to go thru but he shows us.

now i want to take the time to say this, dont just use yesterday or day or the next few days to see how and be thankful of how blessed you are. do it everyday. tell your love ones that you love them as much as you. yes they may get tired of you saying all day long but dont ever let them walk out the door or hang up the phone without telling them you love them. as you can never tell what will happen. always kiss your kids and your spouse good night. always be there for you family and friends when they need you. no it doesnt take money to be there for them. all it takes is just being there. letting them know you are thinking of them. and remember you have the strength to get thru anything. oh and dont let a tragedy alone bring you together. come together everyday.

sometimes i wonder

sometimes i wonder if i really have friends out there that care that mike and i are struggling to have a baby. i wonder if there are people out there who really knows how it feels to struggle just to become parents. i think that if they did they wouldnt say the things they say. or pick sorten friends to pray that they have a baby or anything like that. yes it hurts to see someone who i thought was a friend to tell a mutual friend that they are praying for them to have a baby. what about mike and i. we would like some prayers in that department to. is it wrong to feel this way. i dont think so. it just makes me feel like this friend doesnt care for me or care how much we want to be parents. yeah we may not be putting it all over facebook or other social media every single day that we want to be parents. we do not cry over spilled milk (i guess that is a good quote for this ). but we still would love to be parents. we would make wonderful parents. i am not saying that this friend that is struggling with infertility issues doesnt deserve to be a parent again because they do. because they are wonderful parents. i am just that if a person or people has more then more friend that is struggling to have a baby dont just single one friend out. include all them because let me tell you you are going to hurt someone's feelings just like my was tonight.

ugh yep as you can see today has not been a good day. oh top of this and that other entry i posted today i heard of a newborn baby that was left in the bathroom at a walmart here in texas. that is so heartbreaking to hear. they say the baby was most likely stillborn but that still doesn make it right that the mother just left that baby there and didnt get help for it or her. i hope they find out who the mother was. because she needs to be held for the wrong she done. i dont care if you are scared to tell anyone or that you didnt know that you was pregnant it is wrong to leave a little bitty baby anywheres like that and it is wrong not to get help. i really think that we need to start teaching our kids that there are options out there. if you are not ready to be a parent then place that baby up for adoption. adoption will be better in the long for that baby then leaving it in a bathroom or somewhere like that.

is about to just stop being there for people

i just want to say that this is not about one person or anything like that. it is in general. for the pass month or so there has been people who has asked for my point of view or advice about well anything really and it just seems like if they dont like what i say they just throw it back in my face. why ask for my thoughts if you didnt want to listen to them. i am not say that you have to have the same thoughts, same opinions, or the same views as me. can you image what this world would be like if we all had the same thoughts, same opinions, and the same views. i am just tired of being asked for my thoughts or views, or opinions and it getting throwed  back in my face. oh this is one of my less favorite things to hear.  " you dont have kids so your thoughts, opinions, or view doesnt count because you dont know what it is like" you know i may not have kids but i do have thoughts, opinions, or views when it comes to kids, when it comes to raising them. yes i know having nieces and nephews is not the same as having your own child but you know i have been a aunt for nearly 20 years now and i know what in some ways what it is like to raise a child. i am saying that i would be the prefect parent no but who is. there is no prefect parent or no prefect way to raise a child. you do the best that you can and hope that they turn out to be the kind, gentle, loving, honest adult you want them to be. (i do have to say that i have pretty much deleted people out of my life who has said that to me because i do love my nieces and nephews like they where my own. and they know i will always be there for them. after all there is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child and i would like to think that i have helped my brother and sister out when they needed it by being there for my nieces and nephews when they needed someone to talk to when they couldnt (and still can) talk to their parents. and i know that my brother and sister will be there for mike's and i kids when we do have them.

as that is said i am really starting to get to the point where i am just going to stop given my thoughts, opinions, or view about something. and if anyone wonder why i do not help them anyone well now they know why know.

just had to get that off of my chest. thanks for listen (well reading lol)

family

i have been seeing alot of people going thru family drama and i just wanted to share the meaning of the word family to everyone.

Family

1 a. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.

b.a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

2.the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.

3.the spouse and children of one person: We're taking the family on vacation next week.

4.any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

5.all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

that was the meaning of family. now to tell you how i feel what a family is. a family is people who care about one other. loves you unconditional no matter what that person does (yes a person does have their limits though). family is there for you when you need them.

now that is family. maybe getting this out it will help some people and maybe it wont who knows. but i do think if you are a adult you need to set examples for your young kids in how to be adult and that means dont be fighting with your daughter, mother, father, brother, son, or sister, or even a greatparent or aunts and uncles.

dec already

it's dec already where has this year gone. it has seemed like it has went by really fast. just what 30 days until new year eves. the time is going by really fast. we dont have much planned for the month of dec. just mike's birthday on tuesday. he will finally be caught up with me in age and we will be the same age for like 8 months lol. i have my post op appointment this month to but that isnt until dec 28. i wish it was sooner but i guess that was all they had open up. but the way the days are going by fast it will be here before we know it. i hope he tells me that i am all healed up. i seemed to be doing fine. i do have my good days and bad days. more good days then bad. i will just be glad when i get to feeling 100% but then again i dont i ever really felt a 100% before all that happened. but i will get back to where i have more energy. 

other then christmas and new year eves we do not have much planned this month. i hope we can go on this train ride this month. that is just something i really would like to do. and right not it isnt to hot and plus it isnt to cold neither and doesnt seem like it is going to get cold anytime soon lol. i am trying to get caught up on my photography schooling. when i got sick like i did (and let me tell you having a kidney stone can drain you. especailly if they just keep telling you that it is a infection.) i just didnt feel up to doing any studying or taken pictures. i think if i hadnt gotten sick that i would be half way thru unit 3 or completely thru it one. then that would have made me half way thru my schooling. there is 6 units of lessons. (i forgot the total amount of lessons though) but nope i am not half way thru the schooling. i think i am getting close to being half way thru unit 2. but i am making it up. now just got to start taken the pictures for the photo project. i think i have photo that might work but not to sure. going to read back over what the photos are suppose to be (well they can be of anything but just have to follow like their guide lines of how they would like the see photo). but other then that the schooling is going good. i passed my first test and did a good job on my first photo project.

okay there is something else that we need to get done this month and that is sending all this babyshower gifts and decorations for our niece's babyshower because we will not get to go to in Jan. besides the fact that mike will not be able to take time off of work for it but we will not have the money for travel. but we are hoping that come march (easter. yep easter is in march next year (was fixing to say this year lol))  we will get to go back home for a visit. after all our great nephew will be borned around that time and we will get to see him and to us that is more special. even though we really wish we could be there for the babyshower but our great nephew is more special then the showing. getting to see him, hold, and give him a hug and a kiss is more special. oh how i can not wait to see him. i already love the little guy so much.

well that is the update for now. but i will try to update you more later on. maybe something excited will happen and i can write about that. or if i can think of a topic to write about i will write then. until then i hope you all have a wonderful month of dec.

A day late but happy thanksgiving

I know it is a day late but happy thanksgiving. I hope you all had a good thanksgiving. Ours went okay. We didn't do much but had a small dinner for us and that is it. I just didnt feel like doing to much of anything yesterday. I am starting to feel alittle better. Got to remove the stent today. Mike helped me removed. I am glad that I have strong man who loves helping me when I need it and who takes good care of me. I don't know how lucky I got to find him back in 2003 and then to marry him in 2004. He is the love of my life. We don't plan on doing to much today but rest some more. I know my body is still healing so I am going to take it easy or a little while longer.

Well that is it for now. I will try to update more later.

Surgery update

Well I am finally home and doing okay. We got to day surgery about 730 this morning. Waited in the waiting room for like a hour. Then they called me up to preop where they got me ready and then I guess I waited there for like a hour and half. Mike got to wait in that room with me. Then they wheeled me to the surgery room where all I remember is scooting over to the table. Then the next thing I knew I was awaking up in recovery. After recovery went to postop and stayed there maybe 20 to 30 minutes I guess. I am in some pain but not a whole lot. What really hurts is when I go pee. And hopefully when I get my meds ( mike went to pick those up) I will start take my meds and one is suppose to help with the pain while peeing. And on Friday I get to remove the stint myself. It is attached to a sting. And hopefully after that I will be feeling a whole lot better and I go back to see the doctor next month and hopefully by the time I see him he will have results from him sending the kidney stone off. I will have mike edited this post once he gets back from getting my meds to let you all know what the doctor said. Thanks for the prayers.


So the doctor came down after about a half hour said everything went well, they just went in and got the stone out. Looked like a little scraggly rock, they have to send it off for testing. Few days of rest and be back up and going. Hopefully Beth can get some rest now once healed up.

trying not to let monday get to me

i had decided on friday that i was going to try to enjoy my weekend. and so far i have. yesterday mike and i went to breaksfast at ihop and then went and did a little walking around at best buy and then kohls. then we came home and rested some and got ready to go to the circus. i had never been to a circus before and i really wanted to go. in some ways i really didnt feel like it but i wanted to go anyways. who knows when ever i would be close to town again that was going to have a circus. we had a really good time and it did help get my mind off of monday. then last night we had a little date night. (i love having date nights with mike they are the best) we went out to eat and came home and watched that movie brave. i went to bed not to long after it went off. and here it is sunday. maybe by this time tomorrow (1203 pm) i will be back home. but who knows how long it will be before i will be carried back for surgery. i hope it isnt to long after my report in time. i really hope it isnt to long after 830 am. yeah today i keep thinking about tomorrow. i wish i wasnt but it is on my mind. i have never had any kind of surgery before and i am scared. yes i am leaving it up to God but i am still scared. but i know that God will get me thru it and i will be home resting with mike taken care of me. i am so very thankful to have mike in my life. i really do not know where i would be at this time if it wasnt for him.

okay i am going to go but i will try to update probably on tuesday. or i may see if mike will update tomorrow sometime because he will more then likely remember everything better then i will lol. please keep us in your prayers for a good surgery and to heal quickly.

doctor update part 2

okay i just heard back from the doctor about the ct scan from today.  i have a kidney stone and will need to have surgery to remove it. i go back tomorrow to see the doctor and then on monday will be having surgery to remove it. so if anyone that is reading this and you pray please pray for me. i am so scared to have surgery but i know it needs to be done for me to start to feel better. and i want to feel better. i am tired of being sick. so lets pray that things goes good. i will try to update you again on monday (once i feel better from the surgery that is) to let you know how it all went. if not monday then probably on tuesday. in mean time just please pray for me. and also for mike to. he needs prayers also because he is going thru this with me also and i am so glad that i have him.

Hair growth

Just wanted to update on my hair growth. It seems like it has stopped growing again but that is okay. I have been under some stress so that is probably causing it. It has came a long way since April so that is a plus lol

doctor's appt update

okay just wanted to update you about my doctor's appt today. the doctor said that he thinks it is just a bladder infection. he had me pee in a cup, and i did blood work and he also went a head and did a cathlight. that is where they run a cath camera light like thingy inside you to look at your bladder. let me tell you that is so not fun and i hope i never have to have one done again. my bladder looked good except for the little bit of infection. i go tomorrow for a ct scan on my kidneys. so hopefully that will come back good also. also hopefully the blood work will come back good. maybe we will get those answers some time soon. hopefully we will get the results from the ct scan tomorrow also. i will be glad when we get done with all theses tests so i can relax. i miss relaxing lol.

well that is it for a update for now. as soon as i learn anything else i will let you know.

it's nov

yes i know that nov is almost half over with by now and i should have posted this earlier this month but i was trying to wait until we had some answers on what is going on. every since like the last of aug (my birthday) i have been having some problems with my body. at first i thought it was just a bad uti (and it possible still could turn out to be that. that is what we are hoping for anyways). i did had a appointment with a urologist on last tuesday but they sent me to the wrong clinic. i was suppose to have went to this one clinic that was like 20 to 30 minutes away and we knew we would have never made it in time for my appointment so i just had it reschedule. so i go tomorrow to see the urologist. i really hope that we can start to find out what is going on tomorrow and that it isnt to serious. but i am really scared that it is going to turn out be something really serious. i hope not but i am so scared that it is. mike has been my rock during this time. yes i know he is worried for me but he has helped to keep my spirits up. until we find out what is going on we have put the trying that last round of fertility treatments on hold. who knows it may turn out that we wont be able to try them so we will just move on to adoption. we have planned on adopting anyways if the fertility treatments worked or not but it may just turn out that we may have to move up the plan for adoption sooner then we had planned. i guess now is the time to start thinking of away to pay for adoption. adoption isnt cheap lol but that is okay we will get it all figured out.

well i guess that is it for a update right now. i will try to update what we learn from the doctor tomorrow (that is if we find out any answers tomorrow) if not tomorrow then as soon as we find out something. i hope you all are doing good and if you pray please pray for me. pray the strength i will need for what ever the out come is and pray for healing. and also please pray for mike also. i know it is my body  i am not the only that is going though this what ever it is because mike is here with me to.

today my niece got married

today my niece got married and i am so happy for her and my new nephew lol. i wish that mike and i could have been there but there was no way that mike could have taken any leave time right now. but we have been thinking of them today. i know that my niece and new nephew will have a long and happy marriage. i really do think they are the perfect match for each other. they both balance each other out. and they have learnt to talk and work thru problems instead of run away from them. they have had the best teachers in that department. someone had texted me a few pictures of them today and i tell you i loved getting those pictures but i also i have to say i broke down and cried like a big old baby. i could have image what i would have been like if i had been there. i know the reason why i cried though. one is that i couldnt be there to see them get married and the other and main reason is that i am so happy for. i love see her (all my other niece and nephews) happy. when i see them happy it makes me happy. there is nothing i wouldnt do for my nieces and nephews. if i could i would give them the world. yes i said that and i would. i know i didnt give birth to them but they are my nieces and nephews and i love them to pieces. even though they may not know that but i do. again i am so happy for my niece and new nephew. now just got to wait until march for their baby to be born. i bet turtle is going to be so cute.

football fans

every since football season has started i have been seeing alot of , to be honest on calling it right is, hateful talking. (and i would like to point out that this is not just about one person. it is about alot of people, some of them friends and some are not. and i am leaving it at that.) i have seen where there has been fans of one sort team say that it is because of fans of other team that makes that team looks bad with all the name calling but theses same fans starts name calling the other team. i am not talking about smack talk. yes there is a difference. i am talking about when you start using really using bad words or name calling (to me name calling and using bad words is not smack talking). i just want to take the time to point out to theses fans that says that it the fans of another time is what makes the team look bad with all the name calling and then turn around and start the name calling yourself. what is the difference. there is no difference. you are just like them. yes it is alright with smack talking but when you start name calling or using bad words that is crossing the line. what makes you better then these other teams that you dont like or follow. you have your favorite team and others have theirs. why not just cheer for your team and ignore these others. do you not realize that some people is just trying to get a rise out of you. if you ignore these others then they will see that they can not get a rise out of you and they may just may leave you alone. yes i have a favorite team. i cheer auburn. yes i know they are not doing good this year but i will still cheer for them. because that is me an no one will change my mind on that. yes i have smacked talked with my family during the iron bowl because they are alabama fans but neither me or family has ever called the teams names or used bad words. and we will never will. i think that childish behavior needs to stay out of football. we all are grown adults (and yes it is mostly grown adults that are using the bad words or name calling.) and i think we all need to start acting like that and teaching our kids that it is not okay to use bad words or call people or sport teams names. 

Grammar and spelling issue

I am beginning to think that is one of my pet peeves. I am getting so tired of how people are saying how they can't stand or what ever people who does have the prefect grammar or how they are misspelling words but what I like to say is that one of my biggest pet peeves is people throwing this in my face. It seems like everyday someone is saying this. Is I don't have perfect grammar or have the prefect spelling. I have never been good at any of that. And if you can not be my friend even with my imperfection then I don't need you as a friend. I don't need someone in my life who is wanting throw my imperfection in my face. I don't throw yours in your face. Either love me for me or don't love me at all

A decision we made

Mike and I talked about things last night and we decided that we are not going to tell anyone when we are going to take the fertility drugs until we feel like we are ready to tell everyone as we do not want to be hammered with when do you start the fertility drugs. Are you having side effects and when do you find out if they worked and so on. We don't need that stress on top of the stress that we will have while taken them with worrying and doctor visits. We hope that are family and friends understands our wishes and not ask us about this. Once we are ready to tell people we will write a long blog about what we went thru.

Hair growth

Today was another hair trimming day. I think I am getting the hang of trimming my own hair but I think the next time which will be in 9 weeks I am going to go have it trimmed and thin out some. I have really thick hair. And maybe find a cute kind of long hair style and get it styled to. We will see what I can find. I am glad that my hair has grown out some. I want it to like the middle part of my back and I know I will get there one day.

military doctors vs civilian doctors

i was going to write this topic yesterday but i got busy doing other things. so here is my thoughts on this topic

okay first i just like to point out there are some good doctors both in the military and civilian life. so please do not just assume that they all are a like because they are not.

i personal havent seen a military doctor for myself. i choose to have the tricare standard because i like having the option of choosing what doctor i see. but now mike has to see a military doctor or we would be paying a whole lot of money out of pocket for him to be seen and not only that there are some civilian doctors will not see a person in the military they will turn them away unless a military doctor refers them to the civilian doctor (well at least that is all i have been told and read. so please dont quote me on that ). i think you will find that there are doctors out that is mean and rude and needs to learn some bedside manners when dealing with a patient. but some of those doctors are good doctors when it comes to medical problems so never really rule out those doctors. there are some doctors out that has very good bedside manners and they suck with the medical stuff. and i think that most doctors whether they are military doctors or not are so frustating. they want to keep you waiting for test results. or keep you waiting in the waiting room.

i guess what i am saying that there are difference in this doctors and then there are not. it is up to you to do your research and decide on which way you want to go. never let someone tell you not to use a doctor if you feel like that is the right fit for you. you are the only person that is in control (well besides god ) of your health and how you want to go about getting help for when you are sick or just dont know what is going on with your body.

Oct already

can you believe that it is oct already. i would like to know where this year has went. it has went by so fast. at least it seems like it. i wish it would slow down some more. sept was a okay month for us. would have been better if i hadnt been sick lol. dont know if i told you this or not but we sold the house we owned in alabama last month. it feels so good that we have a little extra money to buy the things we really needed. like a new couch. okay we really didnt need the couch but the couch we do have it starting to get uncomfortable to me. and plus when my knees act up (like this pass weekend with all the rain) i can stretch out to well. so we went looking for a new couch and found one where i can stretch out and it is going to be comfortable. just got to wait until they furniture store gets it in and delivered to us. so can not wait but they said it could be a week to two weeks. up next will be a kitchen table. but we are going to save money for that so that we can just buy right out like we did the couch. okay moving on from that. i really think that oct is going to be a good month. well better then good. it is going to be great. first up is that our oldest niece will be getting married this month. we wish we could be there for her and future nephew but there is no way that mike could take time off for their wedding as he has alot going on at work right now. we are hoping that we will be able to start the fertility drugs this month. we have our fingers crossed on that. but with theses military doctors taken their time with getting mike's tests results sent to my doctor we really do not know. ( i think that will be my next topic blog i will write about the frustations of military doctors. i am sure there are a lot of military spouses and members knows this topic pretty well lol ) lets see what else we are hoping to be able to do this month. oh this coming weekend there is this event in one of the towns close by that we are going to go to. it sounds like it will be fun. probably crowded but it sounds like fun. i am also going to be starting my online schooling for photography. i should get my first course work tomorrow(i kind of hope i get it today though). that is going to keep me busy. i hope i do a good job on the tests and the photo projects. i think i will do a good job on tests but i am a little scared that the i am going to fail at the photo projects. yes i have people tell me that i am good at taken pictures but i know i have alot more to learn and i dont want to fail at this because i love taken photos. i also need to finish up some more crocheting projects. i am having a problem with the hats again. i was doing so well on making the hats and then when i started doing the diaper covers and blankets it was like i forgot how to do the hats. i am not going to give up on making the hats again. and other thing that is happening this month is that mike is finally going to dress up for halloween with me. i so can not wait. i hope we get a lot of trick treaters this year.

well that is pretty much it for the happenings. if anything else goes on this month i will write about. i hope you all are doing okay and have a good oct.

renting vs buying

i thought this would make a good topic to write about as we have rented and bought a house. and this is just my thought and feelings on this subject.

okay for right now with mike being in the military renting a house is a whole lot better then buying one. yes you have to follow what is on the lease. yes you have to pay a deposit if you want to have a pet. and so on and so on but with moving around alot it is just easier.

now if mike wasnt in the military but had a good stable paying job we would be buying a house as buying a house is so much better then renting.

when you buy a house you can do anything you want to do that house. if you want to paint walls you can paint the walls in what ever color you want and if you ever move out you dont have to repaint them back to a white or loose your security deposit one. there is all kinds of things you can do if you owned a home vs to renting. so yes buying is so worth it if you are not moving around a whole lot. i am looking forward to the time when we will be able to buy a another house and wont be moving out of it again.

kids having sex and birthcontrol

i thought i this would make a good topic to post about. kids having sex. i am not sure if i will keep the title but i can not think of anything else to name it. so it may just stay kids having sex. okay i just have to say a few things about this and it may make some people mad and it may not but i think i need to say this. i think there are a few reasons why that there are young girls and boys at the age of 13 (possibly younger) and 14 years old that is out there having sex. one reason why i think this is because of being pressured into having sex by their friends. and other reason why is that i think that some parents dont talk to their kids about sex. they dont tell them that they could get pregnant or get a std. the only thing that they probably tell them is do not do it. they also dont talk to them about birthcontrol. yes i know 13 and 14 is a young age to talk to your kids about this but they are out (not saying all of them are) having sex. if not yours maybe a friend of yours kid is having sex or a niece or nephew one. just dont assume that your kids are not thinking about sex or having sex. because nearly 9 out 10 kids are thinking about sex or is having sex. now i am not saying telling your kids that is okay to have sex at that age because it is not okay for them to be having sex at that age. all i am saying is stop being scared and talk to your kids. i am also not saying that all parents are not talking to their kids about this because some are. but there are some out there that is to scared to talk to their kids about this subject and they just decide just to let them learn about sex though health class at school and let me tell you they dont know learn to much about it. they learn more frome their friends then what they do from their parents. am i saying give them every single detail or drawing them pictures of how to have sex. no i am not saying that. just talk to your kids. let them know that if they have questions they can come to you. and if you are a aunt or uncle let your nieces and nephews know that if there is anything that they can not talk to their parents about that they can come and talk to you. i did that with my nieces and nephews and yes there has been times that they have needed someone to talk to and i am glad that they felt comfortable coming to me. i hope that even though they are getting older that they know they can still come and talk to me if they need someone to talk to.   i was lucky that when i was 13 that i had parents that would sit down and talk to my brother and sister and i about sex and about not letting our friends pressure us into doing anything that we do not want to do. i also think that people needs to stop leaving it up to the females about supplying birthcontrol. yes i think if you have daughters you need to teach them the importants it is about birthcontrol and either carry them to a doctor or learn more about the different kinds of birthcontrol out and talk to them about it. i also think that if you have a son that you need to talk to him about the importants of going out and buying condoms. you know that about 8 to 9 out of 10 boys are to scared to go into a store and buy condoms. i also think that they should be more sex ed class in schoools and maybe even have a nurse to supply condoms to boys and girls. some people may think that is wrong and it shouldnt be up to the schools to teach kids this and you are right but stop and think. if theses parents that are to scared to talk to their kids about sex then how are theses kids going to learn about birthcontrol and that they could get a std or get pregnant. i also think that theses kids needs to really see what it is like to be a teen parent. i think that if they could see how hard it is to be a teen parent then maybe just maybe they will neither not have sex or use birthcontrol. and yes sometimes birthcontrol isnt 100% protected from pregnancy or them getting a std but maybe just maybe they will think more about this before going to have sex.

drama and facebook

i am sure you all have heard of it. drama and facebook. well just drama and any kind of social media. i think that drama just needs to stay away from theses things. i try to stay out of drama. but sometimes it finds me. sometimes it is family that causes drama. what i really hate seeing on facebook is when a mother and daughter is fighting (and no this is not about my mom and i) about a month or so ago one of my cousins and her daughter was fussing on facebook. no i didnt say anything to them about (let me tell you it was very ugly) but   to me i think they both was just trying to make the other look like the bad person when in truth they was making each other look bad by trying to calling each others names( no i will not say the names they was calling each other ). but i did put on my facebook status "You know I find it that Facebook or other social media is not a place to be fussing or fighting. If you want to fuss and fight do it in private. Because no ones to see you fuss and fight." that is word for word what i said. as you can see i didnt mention any names. the other day i was reading in a family members comments on her status she posted and i seen where this cousin of my was still friends with her. and i was like hmm i havent seen anything about she was doing so i went to her profile and i notice that we was not friends anymore. so she had deleted me. and you know i am glad that she did because i so do not need people who are nothing but drama in my life. and i am glad i do not have to continue to see if her and her daughter is still fussing and fighting on facebook. 

yes i think social media like facebook is a good place to keep up with friends and family that doesnt live close by. (as long as you are not finding out important things on there, like me finding out that my oldest nephew was getting marrried. now let me tell you that really hurts to have found out that way. ) but i do not think that social media is a place to start fussing and fighting or causing drama. ( mike and i both has started deleting people who tries to cause drama with us on any social media. ) to any of my readers out there please stop and think before you start any fights or drama with anyone on a social media. stop and think is it worth to have your family and friends to see all that. or is it worth to have to deal with any of that. and if anyone tries to start any thing with you just delete them off of your friends list and go about your day.

time for alittle update

just thought it was time to do a little update. things are going good. i am starting to feel better. finished up my antibiotics a week ago on thrusday. things are starting to look up in money wise for mike  and i. the house we was selling in alabama finally sold this month. so next month we should have a little extra to put towards other bills and should have some in the savings also. and we are still hoping that next month we will get to do that round of fertility drugs we have been mentioning for a while now. so hopefully in a month or so we will be writing a blog about being pregnant. yes i will write probably every day that i do the fertility drugs and give my experience with them or i may wait and make one long blog about it one. but i am not to sure about that yet. i guess you will see when that time comes lol. yes i know i am not good at blogging and i am sorry for that. i have been trying to blog once a month to twice a month. i need to find topics to start blogging about. but then again i do have a blog on book reviews and that is slow going. i need to finish reading the book i am reading and get a review about that. i think it has been nearly a month or longer since i blogged on that. but anyways. if there are any topics you would like for me to blog about just let me know. i could use good topics. and please nothing about politics. i really do not want to blog about politics as this is not a blog about politics. if you want to read about politics go read it on another blog.  just thought of a blog to write and i will write it after i get done with this one. well i guess i will go and start writing about the topic i just thought of. i hope you all are doing good and are happy and healthy.

Hair growth

Well I decided to measure the length of my hair today. It has gotten alittle bit longer. I am still doing the things I had said in the first entry that I wrote about me going my hair out. Just wanted to update you about how it is going. And post a picture to show that it is growing.

sept is here already

yes i know i am alittle late in making this post but yesterday i didnt feel like posting it and saturday we was traveling back home. so here we are posting this now.

the month of aug went by pretty fast and pretty good. not a whole lot happened in aug to really write about (well besides the stuff i have done wrote about so we will not write about again lol ). i guess i will write about my birthday. i had a wonderful birthday this year. mike carried me down to the beach (galveston, tx) for my birthday. we left on the evening of the 29 so i got to wake up in a hotel on a beach and have breakfast in bed. after we ate breakfast we went down to the beach and took some pictures and just enjoyed it before it got to crowded. then we went to lunch and the rested some and then went on a dolphin tour. at first i didnt think we was going to see any dolphins but they started to come up to the surface. then we went back to the hotel and cooled off and rested from walking around trying to find a atm machine close to where we was parked at. then we got ready to go eat my birthday dinner. we went to the rainforest cafe and let me tell you their pot roast is so yummy.  one thing that i wish wouldnt have happened on my birthday and that is that i wish the uti had left me a lone. i started to get a uti then. and then on friday we didnt do to much as i didnt feel like doing to much. we did go down to the pier and walked around it and had some of those old fashion looking photos taken. we decided on dressing like pirates. and we also played a couple of games (well mike did) and then we went to lunch at the bubba grump. we  came home on saturday and basicly as soon as we got home i went to the urgent care to get something for this uti. i hope that it will go away soon and i will not have to go back to the doctor for it. that was my birthday trip

we dont have much planned for sept. we are just going to go with the flow. if anything interesting happens we will write about that. i hope you all have a wonderful month and that you all stay safe.

going to be a great aunt

I  dont think i wrote about me going to be a great aunt. my niece found out a few weeks ago that she pregnant. yes i am happy about it. at first it hurt that i am going to be a great aunt before being a mommy but it doesnt hurt so much now. i know my niece will make a great mommy and i know i will be a mommy soon enough. and i think she was meant to be a mommy at this time. who knows maybe i will become pregnant soon and our kid will have a little cousin closer to its age to play with lol. my niece texted me a picture of the ultrasound she had done today and my great niece or nephew looks like a little turtle. you can see the sack outline around the baby and it looks like a turtle it is so cute. so i am going to call it turtle from now on. and i am going to do her babyshower in chickens and turtles. got to have turtles in it lol.

i just can not believe i am going to be a great aunt though. i knew it was getting time for me to become a great aunt. but i am glad to become a great aunt at the age of 32 instead of in my 20s. because i think that is a prefect age to become a great aunt lol

trying to grow my hair out

i have been trying to go my hair out. i have a album on facebook to keep a watch on how long it is growing on there but some of my friends doesnt have facebook any longer. so i thought just incase they still follow my blog. i would start to post on here. as you can see in the picture that i am holding a measuring tape from the top of my head and you can see about where my hair ends around 14 inches. so as of right now it is around 14 inches starting at the top of my head. i know some people to do not measure their hair like that but i did.

maybe you are wondering what all i am doing to get it to grow out. first i am trying to not to use a lot of hair products. like moose, hair spray, hair gel, or anything like that.second i use a vinegar rinse  cleaner that i got from amazon. it is called just natural vinegar rinse. i use it every two weeks. third i only wash it every other day. i have heard and read that washing it every day is not that healthy for your hair. fourth i do not straighten it or blow dry it all the time. i usually only straighten it when i am going out on a date with my hubby (but sometimes i curl it on some of those dates) and like if i am going to a doctor or something like that. the heat from the straighter and blower dry can damage your hair. fifth i take a multi vitamin. i try to take this every day but some days i forget. (actually my vitamins is a prenatal vitamins. and last but not least the sixth thing i do is i try to take a Biotin  everyday. you can find that in the vitamin sections in the stores. i got my at walmarts. i dont take it everyday but i do try to. oh yeah i can not forget to mention that i do one more thing to my hair and that is trimming it every 9 weeks. i have been told you can trim your hair every 6 to 8 weeks so i am going with 9 weeks.

so this is my post on my growing my hair out. hopefully this time next month there will be a little bit more of a change to my hair and you will be able to see it.

last day of the hair challenge

today is the last day i am doing the hair challenge. i will try to redo the challenge in a few months. and we can compare the styles (that is if i do the same ones lol) or maybe i will be able to do some different ones. okay for todays challenge i washed and then blowed dry my hair. then i brushed it out and made sure there was no tangles. then i started to twist my hair in some small buns and pinned them up using bobby pins. and this is what i got. i really like this look. it is quick and simple. i think it took me maybe a total of 20 minutes to do and that is counting blowing drying it.

hair challenge day 7

today is the day 7 of this hair challenge. i am about to run out of ideas to do with my hair for the length it is. so tomorrow maybe last day of this challenge. going to try to think of something neat to do and that will be it for a few months. need to let it grow out somemore before i do this challenge again. okay now moving on to the hair.  well first of all i made sure i got it complete wet and then i let the towel soak up some of the water as my hair is really thick. then i put four braids in my hair (i need to get ponytail holders that is the same color as my hair so they can be hide better) then i pulled each braid up and bobby pinned them to the top of my head. and then i pinned my bangs down some so they was sticking it up everywhere. and this is what i got. yep i like i have said better this would look better if my hair was alittle longer. so i tomorrow will be my last hair challenge day until my hair is alittle longer. i am hoping my by the end of sept or sometime in oct. if not then maybe in nov or dec. i will try to do another hair challenge before this year is over with. so lets hope that my hair is alittle longer before then.

hair challenge day 6

today is day 6 of this hair challenge. i really didnt have time and also didnt feel like doing to much to my hair after getting out of the shower today. so i just put some moose in it and blowed dryed and then pulled alittle of the sides and some of my bangs back and bobby pinned them to stay put. maybe tomorrow i will try some kind of updo. like four different braids and then pinning them to my head or something like that.

hair challenge day 5

I was sitting around last night talking to mike about how i was thinking of doing my hair. i told him i was going to do like a princess leia type look but with braids going around the buns. so i get up this morning and start to fix my hair but i have realized that my hair is not long enough for this yet but maybe sometime in the future i will retry it and then post another photo so we can compare them.

hair challenge day 4

today is day four of the hair challenge. i just brushed it out and then parted it to the sides and put a braid down each side and into the back and pulled it up in a pony tail and teased the pony tail. it didnt want to do what i wanted it to do but it is okay. maybe once it grows out some more it this look will be better. maybe will try it again in a few months and if i do i will post a picture so you can compare them.

hair challenge day 3

this is day 3 of the hair challenge. i did the twisting hair around a headband and sleep it to curl my hair. this morning i took the hair band off of my head and spread the curls out and then twisted the top and sides some and clipped them in the back and this is what it came out with. i think it would be a good look for a formal function with flowers in the back. ( i dont think that if i had longer hair and i used the headband trick to curl it i would have gotten this. so this is for short to medium length hair. )

day 2 of hair challenge

day 2 of the hair challenge. first i brushed out all the tangles in my hair and then added alittle bit of mouse to it. and then i parted what i wanted to braid and what i didnt. and then i started to braid the sides and then when i got to where i wanted to stop the braids i put in bobby pins and then i twisted the rest in a bun. it isnt prefect but that is okay. sometimes hair isnt suppose to look prefect. sometimes messy is a good look to lol.

aug already

after i made my hair challenge post i realized it is aug. even though i paid our beginning of the month bills today it still didnt really dawn on me that today was aug 1 or i would have done made my month post lol. you all know what all went on last month so i will write what all we did or what happened from last month. but i will write about what we are hopefully will be doing this month and what i know we will be doing this month. as my last post stated i am doing a hair challenge. i hope it will keep me busy. i also will be going to the gym M-F this month and going for walks with mike on weekends. are also hoping that our house will sell this month but we not going to hold our breath on it. we know it could take a while for it to sell but we can still be hopefully that it will soon. (i really do hope it does so that we can a little extra money a month to be able to save). we are also hoping that we will get to do the fertility drugs this month.  right now i am waiting for the doctor to call me back to find out a few things but other then that we should be a go on it once the doctor calls me back that is.  this month is also my birthday. i dont know what mike is planning for that but what ever it is i hope we have enough money for it. and i am sure what ever he is planning be wonderful as i am getting to spend it with him this year and that is all that really matters.

well that is pretty much all that is going to go on this month. if anything else that comes up i will try to write about it. i hope you all have a wonderful cool month of august.

hair challenge

i decided to do a hair challenge. i am going to start out with doing this for a week and after one week is up i will decide if i want to do it longer or not.

today is day one of the hair challenge. i went with something simple and easy to start out with. (plus i had trimmed my hair by myself today also). i blowed dry my hair and while i was blowing drying i let my hair straighter get warm up. after i got my hair blowed dry i straighten it. and plus brushed it out also. and this is what i got for the finish product.

drama drama

why is it that there are some people out there that likes causing drama. do they not realize that the drama they try to cause can cause them to either lose a son, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, or a friend. to me it isnt worth it but if you start to drama with me you will be deleted out of my life as i have no use for that crap in my life. mike and i are trying to live our life peacefully and dont want stress or any negative things in our life. i am fixing to be 32 years old and i am just so done with all this highschool drama crap want a be people. i am also adult and not a teenager.  if you want my respect then you need to respect me. if you dont like me dont try to be my friend or what ever. because i do not need fake people in my life. i am going to send up a prayer for theses people or person that has tried to cause drama that they learn that they can not treat people the way they are and that they need to change.

going to the gym

i started going to the gym last week. i only went like twice last week because of my allergies kicking my butt last week. i kept a bad headache and then started coughing. so on thursday i decided to start taken that airborne and benadryl and of course i used my nasal spray that i have to get it knocked out. it helped a lot. they are still brother me but not as bad as they was last week.  on saturday and sunday mike and i went for a walk at the park that is close by. we so enjoyed getting to do that together. we dont get to do it much as we are always finding other things to do but i think we are going to try to stick with doing this on weekends as it is healthy for us and we get to spend time together. (well we are usually spending time together on weekends anyways but it is either shopping or eating lol). so far i have been to the gym every day this week. i dont know if i have lost any weight or not yet but i do feel better. i also have been trying to stay away from junk (some of my friends and i are doing a no junk food challenge for 21 days) and i am trying to stay away from meat for a little while. i just started feeling like i was eating to much meats and i was feeling drained. i dont know for sure if it was the eating a lot of meats or if it was because of allergies or what. but i just wanted to take them out of my diet for two weeks. and so far i have done better at staying a way from meats then i have junk food lol. on saturday i get to start back eating meats again. and aug 4 is i can eat junk food if i want to. well i guess you can say that i can continue to eat junk food haha. i do think i do okay with the no junk food challenge as i havent been eating to much of it like i was. i am still learning to control the amount of food i eat. that has gotten better but i know at times i could do better.  i also have been trying to drink more water thru out the day. i use to not drink water at all during the day except when i have to take my meds but i have gotten better at that. i have days where i will drink four bottles of 16 oz of water a day and some days are less then that. maybe one day i will be able to drink five bottles of water. but i am going to stick to aiming for four bottles until i get to the point where i am drinking four bottles every day and not just some days and then i will move up to aiming for five bottles. i know one day i will lose all this weight that needs to be gone and be back at a healthy weight, it may take a while but i will lose it.

okay update you on the ttc now. we are still waiting on mike's results to get back in. he had to give three different samples at different times and if you know military hospitals you will know that they are slow. hopefully we will have that one day next week. and hopefully we will be able to start the fertility drugs one day next month. we are trying to stay hopeful on this as we do not want to give up trying. but things are just getting tough. for the pass 8 years it has been one thing after another on ttc. we have had to push it  back because of deployments or other issues. and we do not want to push it back again. so if you a reader of ours and you pray please pray that things work out and we get to try the fertility drugs next month.

well that is it for a update for now but i will try to update again soon.

july is almost here

july is almost here and i can not believe how fast this year has went by. i would say it seem like just yesterday it was turning jan 1 but with this heat it sure doesnt feel like it. 100 degree weather is not fun but july and august is the hottest months out of the year. and i think they are going to be pretty hot. so i have been trying to drink more water though out the day. so far it is going pretty good. there are days where i will drink four bottles of water each day. i have been doing this for like  a week now and i have started feeling alittle bit better. i also started the skinny girl cleanse and restore. it isnt a diet drink or anything like that. it is what it says it cleanse the toxics out of your body and restore. so far i can not tell a difference but maybe one day soon i will be able to. we still havent gotten all of mike's tests done so that way we can start the fertility drugs but we are still hoping that we will be able to do them in august. i just finished up with a 14 day ab challenge and i am so proud of myself. i did this for the full 14 days. i usually would have not finished something like that. i dont know if i have lost any weight with doing that but i am going to continue to do the ab work out though. i do think that i may have lost a inch or two but i am not going to hold my breath on that. i was going to try to loose 10 lbs between june 1and aug 1 but i dont know if i will be able to loose 10lbs or not. as i did gain weight. in a month i had gained like 2lbs maybe a little more then 2lbs. i know what you are thinking that could be muscle gain but i tell you what i would love to  see the weight and the changes. yes i know that will take time.

lets see what we have planned for july. well not to much is planned we are going to spend sometime with our family and that pretty much all we have planned. well besides trying to stay cool. well our anniversary is in july so that will be a wonderful day. i can not believe that on july 3 mike and i will be married for 8 years. we have been together for 9 years already. i am so lucky to have him in my life. i really do not know where i would be with out him. and i know he feels the same about me.

well that is it for a update for now. but i will try to update more later. i hope you all are doing good. and that you all are staying hydrated and cool this summer.

my hsg test experience

i went for the hsg test today. (for those who is reading this and dont know what that it is. it is a test that females has to check to make sure that their uterus and fallopian tubes are clear and in good shape to get pregnant) to me i think what was the worse was the waiting. i called the doctor's office as soon my period showed up and they set up with a day for the test to be done. the doctor called me in some antibiotics to take so that way i wouldnt get a infection. so from like day one of my cycle until day 11 of my cycle(the day that i had the hsg done) was nerve wrecking. i didnt know what to expect or how it was going to turn out. i had searched what it was like on the internet and found some blogs posts of where others had had it done before and i had friends to tell me their experiences with getting it done. so yesterday i started taken the antibiotics like the doctor me to. and so far it seems to be okay with them except for this morning after i took one of them it came right back up. i dont know if i just got sick from the antibiotics or if it was just my nerves. so i hope that it will still be good with just taken one today. and tomorrow i will take the last of my antibiotics and i so can not wait to stop taken them lol. so i get up this morning and got ready to go as soon as mike got home from work. yep he went with me. we got there and kind of got alittle lost in the hospital i had to go and have the test done but the ladies that helped us there got us to where was going. i think we sit there and waited for them to call me back for like 30 minutes or alittle longer one (as we had gotten there alittle early. i always like being early for appointments instead of rushing around). as soon as they called me back they had me to put on a hospital gown. well actually two one in for the front and one for the back. they carried me to a xray room and had me sit on a table and the doctor came in and explained things to mike and i on what was going to go on. and then he placed small catheter  into the cervix and then  injected dye into my uterus. then they took xrays of the dye going to my fallopian tubes. it was kind of neat in a way but it did hurt alittle and was uncomfortable. this is how i am going to describe the hurt for you. you know how when you get pinched by finger nails or something metal like maybe your zipper on your pants or pinched by a door hinge that is how it felt like to me. i think what i really was nervous about was what the results was going to be. i knew i could get the pain of the test but i just didnt know what the results was going to be. but i am glad and happy now that the it all turned out good. my uterus and tubes are all good. we got the go ahead to do the fertility drugs but right now we are having to wait until we get the results back from having mike's little swimmers checked which we should have them back by july sometime and hopefully we will be doing the fertility drugs in aug. i so can not wait for aug to get here because i am so ready.

i hope that if anyone is reading this and is fixing to have a hsg done that my experience will help calm your nerves some. and i hope that you have a good doctors and nurses that will talk to you and help keep you calm.

it's june on already

this year sure does seem like it is going by fast because it seems like just yesterday it was turn jan but it is now june. may was a okay month for us. we paid off some bills. well actually what we did was sit down and went over how much it would take to get a personal loan to pay off some smaller bills and how much a month we would be spending or saving with the personal loan vs the smaller bills and the personal loan won out. i cant remember right at this time how much we will be saving at this time but that is okay i know it is more then what we was. it may take a month or two for us to start to a big difference in it. our house that we own is going up for sell today. hopefully it wont take it long to sell and we will have like nearly 900 dollars off of us each month and that will help so much. and hopefully will be able to pay off some of theses bigger bills soon and be able to save money to. now on to other things. we had that party for some of the soldiers in mike's unit last month. it went okay. only like a handful showed up but i have learned that it is always better to be prepared for more people then for less people. in my experience in the past when i bought less food more people showed up and i also have experienced the more you buy the less people show up lol. i wish i could get over my shyness because it stops me for interacting with people. unless i know you really pretty good then i will talk to you. dont get me wrong i will talk to you if you talk to me but i am usual not the one that say something first. i have always been like that. and if you really know me you know that i am a quiet person unless there is something that pisses me off or when i have something to say. so yeah i do have my moments where you can not get me to shut up lol.

okay moving on to what we have going on in june. which is pretty much not a whole lot. we are hoping that we will get to do all the fertility treatments this month but as i am still waiting for them to call me about that test to see if my tubes are blocked i am beginning to wonder if we will get to try them this month. i am so tired of this waiting. i dont think theses people really know how it feels to waiting on them to call you about it or how long we have been waiting to have a baby. i am tired of this waiting. that is all it ever seems like i am doing is waiting. okay moving on. like i said we dont have much going on for june. we are trying to get things ready for when we do get pregnant.

well i am going to go but i i will try to update more later.

Doing alittle editing. We will not be doing the fertility treatments this month as there are some tests other then my tubes being checked that has not finished yet as they didn't tell us up front that it takes three different rounds in some many weeks apart and it is looking like it may wand up being aug before we will get to.

untitled by me

i just wrote this poem today and wanted to share with you all. if you have been though the struggles of trying to have a baby you know how i am feeling right now. and if you have never had any kind of struggles with getting pregnant i hope this will help you to understand alittle of someone who is struggling to get pregnant feels. so far it is untitled and when i think of a name for it will let you all know what it is.

so here it is.

i hope you know how lucky you are
because i do
i hope that when you look at your beautiful, wonderful little ones that you know that you are lucky
i hope that when you cuddle up with your little one that you know how lucky you are
because you are very lucky.
i wish i could hear someone call me mommy
i wish that i could kiss all the boo boos away and wipe the tears away
i wish i had some one who climbs curtains or make your home look like a hurricane came though it.
i wish that i had a little one to cuddle up with.
i wish that i was a mommy.



as i type this out i notice it may need alittle more work to it so if i ever change it up or add more to it will repost it. i hope you like it and again it is a work in progress and that helps some to understand what it is kind of like for someone who is struggling to become parents.

may already

can you believe it is may already. april just went by way to fast. april was a sucky month also maybe that is why it went by to fast. i hate loosing family members. it was hard to see my sister loose her hubby. i am glad that we got to be there for her and their kids. and i also want to take the time to thank everyone who prayed for them. they are doing as good as they can right now. i am planning on sending them some cookies as soon as i can get them order but got to wait for some bills to clear the bank first. mike and i also went and put our house up for sale. come june 1st it will be on the listing at ballard's realtors. so if you or anyone you know wants to buy a house in winfield, al go to ballard's realtors on june the 1st and go check out our house. you may like it lol. we decided just to sell our house in al as it will get one bill off of us. and really need to get some bills off of us.

okay now to move on to other things. may is going to be a busy month for us. the party we was going to have last month we rechanged for this month so we will be busy with that. and i guess i will go ahead and tell you since we have told most of our family. we are having some tests done this month and hopefully also this month if not next month we will be starting the fertility drugs. i just got to get a ultrasound done which i go tomorrow to get that done. i just hope i can hold my pee lol. and i am going to go by the doctor's to make a appointment to have my tubes checked. i was suppose to called them on monday to make it but didnt have the time to, so as we will be close to the doctor's office tomorrow we are just going to swing by there and see about setting up that appointment. and yes mike has to have his little swimmers checked lol. so i am not the only one getting tests done lol. so yep we are going to be busy this month. i hope we get to take the fertility drugs this month but we are okay with june if we have to wait until then. but lets hope we dont lol.

now i just want to take the time to share something with you all. i have been doing alot of thinking here lately and i have decided to change a few things in my life. and the one and most important is that i am going to try my hardest not judge people. yes i have judge people before and i am very sorry about that. i think some of you may know who i judged and i know it was wrong when i was doing it but i did it anyways. i am very sorry for it. if the person that i judge is reading this know that i am very sorry and i hope you can forgive me. i have asked god to forgive me and i am learning to forgive myself and i am trying my hardest not to do this anymore. if you feel like i am judging you please let me know. and if you have felt like i have judged you in the past i am sorry. i am also still getting negative people out of my life so that is a change that has been going on for a few months.

well that is pretty much it for a update. i will try to update more later.

pray for my family

there really isnt much to update on with ttc but i just wanted to take the time and ask my readers (that is if i actually have readers lol) to pray for my sister and her family. one day last week my sister's husband had a stroke at work and was carried to the hospital. right now he is in a coma and has started breathing a little on his own as of this morning but please pray for my sister and her family. pray that he continues to improve and wakes up and that my sister and their three kids stays strong in during this time of need.

thanks.

it's easter

just wanted to wish everyone a happy easter. i hope you all have a wonderful day.

already april

yep it is april already. can you believe it. at times it feels like yesterday that it was turning jan. but nope it is april. the trees are all bloomed out. there are some flowers that are bloomed out. spring is in the air. it is already starting to get hot. it has been in the 80s the pass couple of weeks. i think there may have been a day or two that it got close to 90. i have enjoyed listening to the birds sing. just wish i have been able to sit outside some here lately but no my allergies will not let me. and yes i have allergy meds but they do not work. and i have tried everything and nothing has helped. but i will get though my allergies i always have and i always will. i just hope that it never comes down to me having surgery because of them. i am scared to have any kind of surgery.

okay lets move on. march was a pretty good month. had a niece to turn 18 years old. we wish we could have been there to celebrate her birthday with her. we went down to houston for alittle vacation it was pretty good. we went to the space center, the aquarium, and the zoo. they was decent places to go but not the most exciting. so not worth the money in some ways. we did get to do a trolly ride at the space center and went to see where the train with the equipment for space (that is the only way i know how to put it lol). the aquarium really wasnt worth the money at all. they didnt have to many fish or sea animals. didnt really have to many rides at all. we did ride the carousel together and mike rode a ride that went up and then came back down. let me tell you that ride just didnt look like all the others we have seen like it. it didnt came down all that fast like some of them do. we rode the train ride to see the sharks but let me tell you they need to fix it where the gas fumes from the train is not brothering people because i think that is what really messed up my sinuses. i was doing pretty good with them until that. the only good thing about the aquarium was the restaurant. they had a burger that was really good. i had never had a hamburger in places like that that was really good. the zoo was okay it wasnt the best that we have been to but it was okay and did come close to be worth the money lol. but then again i have always liked going to the zoo to see all the animals. all in all we had a good time and what made it great was getting to spend time with mike.

lets move on to what all we have planned for april. april is going to be a semi busy month for us. we got a military ball coming up. which it is coming up in three days. i can not wait for that day to get here and to get over with. so not looking forward to wearing heals. if i knew i could get away with wearing either my boots or tennis shoes up under my dress i so would. (right now the heals are hurting my foot since i hurt the other day by hitting the stool. i think i bruised it up really good. at least that is what i am hoping. it doesnt feel broke or anything like that ). we also are having this get together for some of the soldiers. that in itself is going to be a very busy day. i think we invited like over a 100 something people to it and so far only maybe a handful has said that they was coming. we have some of the decoration but there is a few more things i need to get and i will be done with that. yes when i throw a party i got to have decoration lol. we like the food for it. we wish that we could be there for my cousin that is getting married this month but there is no way that we can. but we will be thinking about her on her special day. that is pretty much it for april. maybe it will go by slow so that we all can enjoy the nice weather before it does turn off really hot.

here is another april

here is another april that is going to go by with out being pregnant or having a baby already. i am so tired of this. i wonder what i have done to be punished by not being a mom. i know i would make a good mother and mike would make a good dad. actually he would be a wonderful father. he is the type of person to put others before hisself. and i am so tired of hearing the phrase it will happen when god is ready for you to be a parent. no one knows what god has  in store for mike and i. the only one that knows is god hisself. so i think people needs to stop saying that because it hurts everytime i hear it because you do not know what god has in store for us. we do not know what he has in store for us but i do feel like he doesnt want us going though all this heartache of trying to have a child. the beginning of this year it looked like we was going to have money to either goes toward adoption or the fertility drugs one and now it looks like it isnt going to happen. we have had to deep into our savings to either help with paying bills or to eat one. yes we did go on vacation but we did not use that much of the savings for vacation. it all has pretty much went towards bills and food. i just feel that something is going to have change before i just give up on trying to be a parent. i am getting really close to. because i am tired of crying over it and tired of the hurt.

if anyone reads this please keep us in your prayers. we really could use them.

march all ready

can you believe it is march all ready. it just seems like it was yesterday that it is was becoming feb and now it is march. as i sit here and type this. i can hear birds whistling out side. it is so close to spring and i so can not wait. maybe then the weather will not go from cold one day to warm the next. feb was a okay month for us. we got to spend some time together. and i love spending time with mike. i decided to go ahead and stop taken the birthcontrol as it was not helping with my anixety at all. it was keeping my anixety up and i so did not like that and plus there was some people who i thought was my friend wasnt really so i got rid of them and some people who was friends but i just got tired of their whining about this or that every day. i am not kinding it was every freaking day that they was whining about something and i just got tired of it. there is to much in my life that is going on to be hearing them whining about every single thing every day. dont get me wrong people need to vent but when you are doing it every day and you are not taken the time to listen to your friends when they need to vent then that isnt a friend to me and you had to go.

march should be a good month for us also. my oldest niece turns 18 this month. i so can not believe it. i remember her being a little bitty baby. but i am proud of her. she graduates from highschool in may and she is making plans to go to college. what else is going on this month. oh mike and i will finally be taken a small vacation this month and i so can not wait. we just need to get away from here for alittle while and spend time with just us without any phones (hopefully no phones but we will see how that goes lol) and no internet. it will be so good to get away with mike. i get my dress for the ball that we have to go to next month this month. and i am going to try to loose at least 5lbs before the ball. you noticed i said try to. i think i am doing good on the weight loss. last month i got up to workout for 60 minutes and today i worked out for 90 minutes and i feel pretty good. i do hope that this month is not so stressful and full of drama. yes last month was stressful and full of drama which i am not going to go into because i just want to relax and not worry about it. i am leaving it up in God's hands because there is nothing i can do about it. i really do hope that every thing works out but i can not do nothing to fix it and i wish i could (and no it has nothing to do with mike and i). oh yeah last month we started a monthly meal plan and it went pretty good. i think we spent a total of over 300 last month on groceries and this month was 250 needless to say though there is days we will not be home but still 250 on groceries is pretty good compare to over 400 a month we was spending by going grocery shopping every week. i think the only time we went to the store was just to get out of the house last month. well we did broke up our grocery shopping twice last month as all the meats wouldnt fit in the freezer but this month they did as we will not be home on some days and we do have date nights to. next month we will spend more on grocery shopping as we are having a small get together for some people in mike's unit. you all know when we have a small party or get together i got to decorate and yep i am going to decorate for this little party. since it is going to be in the spring i am going to use spring colors for decorations. i need to go ahead and start buy a few things up for that this month. may try to buy all the decoration this month and like the day before the party go buy all the food. i think that is a plan.

well i am going to go but i will try to update more later on. maybe try to update on the weight loss before next month.