weight loss update

i was doing so good at the beginning of this month and now here at the end of the month not doing so great with the weight loss. i am now at my heaviest i have ever been. i am at about 190lbs and i feel so drained and runned down. my knees and feet are hurting me alittle more then what they was and i am pretty sure that it is because of my weight. i just got so tired there for awhile and i lost my motivation. i think i just got so tired and plus my appetite inceased after i took that hcg trigger shot. at least that is how it seemed. i was pretty much eating everything. it may have not been so bad if i hadnt been so tired that i was taken like 2 to 3 naps a day. and if you know me really know me i do not like taken naps. i have never enjoyed taken naps. usually the only time i would take naps was when i was sick or had stayed up all night. (which then i usually try to stay up but sometimes it didnt work lol) but i am going to try to get back in the swing of working out. i actually started it today. i decided that i am going to work out in the mornings and afternoons. what else am i going to do. i need to do this for my health and hopefully for our future kids. i know i can loose it i just got to try harder and hope and pray that i dont loose my motivation again.

last day

as national infertility awareness week comes to a close. i just wanted to just say a few things. one is to all you struggling with infertility dont give up. keep going. yes it is hard and yes you will have bad days but dont give up. if you feel like adoption is for you move on to adoption. just dont give up on your dream of becoming a parent.

for those who are just starting your journey i have a couple things i want to share with you. look to see if your doctor does a preconceive appointment. that is basically where you will go in and talk to them about trying to have a baby. they may ask you if you have any concerns of becoming pregnant. they may even ask you how your periods has always been and so on. but that appointment will be so worth it. because they can give you a time line to try on  your own. some doctors may tell you if you are not pregnant in 6 months that they may run some tests or start you on clomid. they even may go ahead and set up a test of two at that appointment if you have any concerns at all. dont be scared to go to the doctor and talk to them about trying to have a baby. truthfully i was scared to go but i did any ways. it took me a couple of doctors to find someone who was welling to help us. but we did all that we could with that doctor. then we had to move and start all over again. but dont be scared. also make sure that both you and your boyfriend or husband is ready to try to conceive. dont start trying on your own and hide it from them because that isnt good for a relationships and secrets do have a way of coming out. also once you get in to see a doctor and that doctor doesnt listen either stay on their butts to make them listen to you or find another doctor one until you find the right one for you. never let a doctor tell you that you do not know your own body because we as a person know our body better then anyone else. we know when something is off and so on. also go to the library and check out some books on fertility and infertility. there is a good i recommend to all females out there to read and that is taken charge of your fertility. it is really good in help you learn when you ovulate and how to listen to your body. there are others books out that you can read but that is really good. i still have my book and i read over it every so often. dont be afraid to ask questions or do research on subjects. the more you can learn about  infertility the easier it may be for you. i know doing research on things has helped me out so much. also talk to your insurance company and find out what all they will pay for with infertility. that should be one of the first things you need to find out so that way you will know and not find out later on down the road when your insurance didnt pay for something and you are paying out of the pocket.

i am sure there is probably more i could share with you but at this moment that is all i can think of. but if there is anything else i think of later i will write about it.

baby dust to all who are trying to become pregnant and to those going thru adoption baby dust to you. i hope and pray that we all get our bundle of joy soon.

niaw is almost over with

i can not believe that national infertility awareness week is almost with. just today and tomorrow. but truthfully for me it will never be over. well i should say for us it will never be over with. it isnt just a week that we are dealing with it. it is a everyday struggle for us. but it is nice to have a week to try to spread the word about infertility and to get people to see that it is nothing to be ashamed of.  times has changed. we are not stuck in the pass where it had to be kept a secret. where you couldnt express how you was feeling about not being able to become parents. you had to keep it quiet. you couldnt even talk about it with your family or friends. i am so glad that the times has changed. and that we can be open about our struggle. i stop and think of how lucky i am that we are in this time and not in the past. i dont know what i would be doing if we was living in the past. how did those couples get thru it. even though we are more open (we are open with our struggle then what we was but we had never kept it a secret) now about our struggle then when we first started trying it is still hard. some days seems easier then others but it is still hard. like yesterday was a okay day. even though i started a new cycle i only cried for alittle bit and not all day about it like i use to. mike is talking to me more about and expressing his feelings of when we start a new cycle and such like that. i know that is one thing that is helping the most is that we both are talking to each other and not hiding our feelings from each other. we are also getting our story out there. i do not feel ashamed of struggle thru infertility. yes there for a while i did feel ashamed of it. but i am not anymore. i am embracing it as it is part of me. part of my life story. it is one of the things that i have struggled thru (still struggling) but it is making me stronger. i can see that now. and i will never let anyone make me feel like i should be ashamed of it or that i shouldnt share my story. this is me. i am a infertile and our journey is making us stronger and we will embrace it because it is who we are.
you know the saying i am woman hear me roar. well i am a infertile hear me roar.

doctor called finally

finally heard back from the doctor today on our plan of action this month. i am taken both clomid and femara together this time. i start both on monday and take them until friday. they didnt say anything about shots this time around so really dont know if we will be doing those this cycle or not. i go may 10 for a ultrasound to see how things are going. i guess then i will find out about the shots but i doubt i am going to take them this cycle as they didnt say anything over the phone about it. i have took both the clomid and femara but never at the same time. so maybe this will work.

on to another round

well we are on to another round of infertility treatments. we was really hoping that we would have been pregnant but nope we are not. yesterday i really was wanting to take a pregnancy test but i was so scared to because i was afraid it would say not pregnant. and i am glad i listen to that feeling and waited because it would have been a waste of a pregnancy test. late last night i started my new cycle. i didnt want to wake mike up to let him know so i pretty much had a restless sleep last night because i wanted to tell him but i didnt want to wake him up because he had to get up at 5 something for work and i know he needed his sleep. (yeah i am a good wife to let him sleep. and yes i am very lucky to have mike in my life and he feels the same about me. )  i called the doctor office as soon as i had gotten back up (calling them at 5 something is way to earlier and they are not even open at that time and plus i wanted to try to get some sleep). i am have been waiting around to hear something back from the doctor office about what our plan of action for this cycle is going to be all day today. i hopefully  i hear something soon. if we dont i am afraid we may miss our chance this cycle. i hope that doesnt happen as we only have some many more months we can try.

things not to say to a infertile couple

i would write about 10 things not to say to a infertile couple but there are more then just 10 things.  i will share with you some of the things people has told me and then share with you some of the things people has shared with some of my friends struggling with infertility.

okay lets see. i have been told to relax and it will happen. hmm you go from months to years trying to have a baby and see if you can relax and see how hard it is. it isnt just about having sex or do you not know that. 
when you stop trying is when it will happen. you know we have put trying to have a baby on hold how many times for deployments and money problems. did it happened then nope it didnt.
it will happen when it is meant to be. so in other words you are saying that it is meant to be for a teenager to have a baby at the age they are at.
if you have sex on your period you will get pregnant. truthfully you not getting pregnant while on your period. yes i am sure that there are some that has been known to ovulate on their periods but most females dont.  females that doesnt have a infertility problem will ovulate 7 days after the last day of their period and 7 days before. at least something around about that time frame.
leave it up to god. do you not think that we are not leaving it up him.  god has a plan for everyone and i really do believe that his plan is for us to try the things we are trying and to adopt also. if he didnt want people to do all they can to have a baby he wouldnt made the doctors that helps infertile couples. sometimes you have to go thru a struggle to see how strong you are. 
oh i also have been made to feel like i shouldnt be sharing our story to everyone. but we are not going to let that stop us as we want to share our story so that way others will know they are not a lone. is that wrong in us.
oh yeah someone actually said this to me one time. infertility is nothing but my imagination. so i am imaging all the problems i having.

that is all the things that has been said to me so far.  here is somethings that has been said to some friends. and what i have found on the internet during my research of infertility.

there are worse things that can happen. (that was said to a friend and i also seen it on another website. ) seriously. how can you say that. yes we already know that there are worse things that can happen but we do not need our journey thru infertility to be minimize to nothing.
they are not meant to be parents. so you think infertile couple are not meant to be parents. that is just so wrong in itself to say. that just makes me wonder if you think that people who has kids then beat the shit out of them is meant to be parents.

here is a website that has some good info on what to not to say and what to do for a infertile couple . http://www.dreamingofdimples.com/2012/04/infertility-etiquette.html

the waiting game

i have been sitting around the house (well i have done some cleaning to) trying to think of something to write about with it being infertility awareness week. i want it to be about something a long that lines and i think i have came up with something. if you are going thru infertility you will most likely understand this but if you are not then maybe this will give you a look into what it is like.
it seems like all we ever do is wait and wait and wait. we are always waiting. we are waiting for our periods to show (except the men lol) then we wait to hear back from the doctor after calling them and letting them know when our period started. then we wait to take the fertility drugs or waiting to have the tests done to see what is going on. then after the fertility drugs are taken we wait to see if we will ovulate. then we wait for like 2 weeks after ovulation to take a test to see if we are pregnant. and then it all starts over again if that test is negative or is our periods show. so yes we all are in a waiting game. and at times it seems like it is never going to end. i have belief that it will end for all us one day. it will either be by becoming pregnant or the adoption process becoming final. i know it will happen to all of struggling with infertility. we just can not give up or let the waiting game beat us. lets us beat this waiting game.
sending baby dust to every single person struggling with infertility. our turn is coming.

updated infertility journey

lets see where to begin. i guess i could begin with that mike and i have always known that we wanted kids. even before we got married we knew we wanted them but we didnt want to have them before we got married so we decided (yes i asked his opinion about me starting birthcontrol before we got married. i just didnt want to hide anything from him and not only that i felt like once we got engaged it wasnt just about me anymore. it was about mike and i ) that i would go on that depo shot (birthcontrol shot ) and let me tell you to this day i do not know if it was that shot that made things worse. i dont think it was what started it but i do think it may have made things worse. i was told that it could take up to 3 months to a year for that shot to work itself out of your system. so like three months before our wedding i took the last of the depo shot. i should say that mike and i talked about it and decided that i would take my last one three month before our wedding because we was hoping that we would conceive a baby on our wedding date but that didnt work out but that started our long journey thru infertility. (truthfully i had always thought i had something wrong even as a teenager. i can remember talking to some friends once when i was like 17 or 18 one and telling them that i have always felt like i wasnt going to be able to get pregnant. the reason why i always felt like that is because i never knew when my period would show up. thats right i have never had a normal period before). after we had been married a year things got a little once with my periods (trying not to gross you out lol) but if you are a female you will have some idea what i am talking about haha. i had went to this one doctor around that time and she told me that i would need to see someone else. basicly told me she couldnt help. now i was having more then one period a month and she couldnt help me fix that. after we had been married two years i finally got the help i needed. i found out that i have hypothyroidism and pcos.  and then in 2007 or 2008 we started the clomid. when that didnt work we moved on to femara and that didnt work. so the doctor i was seeing sent me to a infertility specialist in va (we was fixing to move to va for six months) well all that doctor wanted to do was do another round of clomid and then talked about doing the infertility shots. i felt like that doctor didnt want to listen to me really when i had told him over and over that the clomid didnt work. now that i think back to that time. i think when i went in to have a ultrasound done to check and see if my ovaries was starting to make follicles i think i went on day 21 of that cycle and that isnt right. i should have went earlier then that. unless my memory isnt correct on the time frame lol. anyways. i told mike that i wasnt ready at that time to do the infertility shots (this was 2010). i think i was a little scared to do the shots. i was scared to learn that they didnt work on me. in 2011 we had talked and talked that we was ready to do the shots. that i need to stop running from my fears and just face them. and here we are in 2013 i have already had three rounds of clomid and infertility shots. and just learnt today that i finally ovulated after nearly nine years. still got some waiting to do to see if we became pregnant this cycle or if we will the next cycle. i think we will only be able to try for another 2 ro 3 rounds of infertility treatments. as mike is getting out of the army and we will be moving this year but we are not going to give up. maybe where ever he gets a job we will have enough money to continue to try if we dont get pregnant before we move from here (no we are not living in VA anymore but in texas. )
well that is a update version of our journey so far. maybe in a few months we will be having another update on it all.

had blood work done

i had blood work done on friday to see if i had ovulated. i was told to call the doctor on friday afternoon to get my results. well i called and no one answered their phones so i left a message. but when i got up this morning and mike left for work i decided to go ahead and call the doctor office back this morning. someone actually picked up the phone. i thought she said that everything looked normal but if i wanted to talk to the nurse about it that i could. (plus she talked really fast so or it was my phone one because i couldnt understand her to much) so i left a  message with the nurse to call me back. and around lunch today the nurse called me back with my results. and it showed that i had ovulated. i can not believe that after nearly nine years i finally ovulated. that is a very good comfort to us. even if we do not get pregnant this month we now know that we can get my body to ovulate with the fertility treatments. i was beginning to wonder if that was ever going to happen. so hopefully with in the next few months we will be able to announce that we are pregnant. right now it is still a wait and see thing. and i hate the waiting.

national infertility awareness week begins

i dont know why i am just now finding out about a week of infertility awareness. i guess maybe because i wanted to live in the dark for so long. yeah i know everyone knows we have been trying and for nearly 9 years but i never really thought of looking into any of this. yes i have read books on infertility and talk to my friends that is going thru infertility but the books didnt say anything about a week of national infertility week and i dont know if some of my friends with infertility issues knows about this if they do they never said anything but plus i never asked. i am glad i found this group on facebook for infertility. i have made a lot more friends and they have shared more info on infertility with me. they are the ones that told me about this week by the info that they have shared.

you maybe wondering what this week is about. there was some people who banded together and created RESOLVE it is a place to go and learn about infertility and treatments and things like that. well they are the ones that started the national infertility awareness week (NIAW for short) it is just a week to " raise awareness about infertility, to encourage grassroots advocacy, and help couples with infertility cope with their disease. The week provides a time for those with infertility to "come out" to their friends and families, if they wish, and encourages the fertility challenged to not feel ashamed. RESOLVE typically hosts a number of activities, both online and off, for those that wish to participate. Most activities focus on advocacy and public education.That said, there's no wrong or right way to celebrate NIAW. More on what you can do for NIAW below." Quoted is what i copied and pasted from http://infertility.about.com

maybe you are asking when it is
 NIAW is April 21 - 27th. so it actually started yesterday. should made this post yesterday lol. It is usually during the last full week of April, timed to occur slightly before Mother's Day (which is a hard day for me and has been for a several years now and keeps getting harder as the years go by ) in May.

maybe you are asking why there needs to be awareness for infertility. well because infertility is misunderstood condition. it is also to help the law makers see what kind of help me need. and i also feel like alot of people thinks that they should be ashamed to share their story because of the mean comments that people can say and will probably say but you can not let them stop you from sharing your story because in truth that is what they are wanting you to do. to stop sharing your story.

look for my blog later on a updated post on our infertility journey. and happy niaw. i hope everyone going thru infertility sees that is okay to share your story. and you all have a wonderful week. and baby dust to all of going thru infertility.

Hopefully it will be used

We pretty much finished the nursery we have been putting together for our future baby or babies. We are undecided if we just want to get one of those changing tables pads for the dresser we got today ( it was half price at target because someone had order it and carried it back to them alittle scratched up which you really can not see the scratches unless you go looking for them ) the dresser was originally nearly $400 and we got it for like $150 plus taxes. Which isn't bad at all. But who knows we may just baby a changing table or just wait until we do get pregnant or adopt one and have either a baby shower or adoption party one let someone else get it for us. That might work lol. We are also starting our future kids their own little library. I think we have over 50 books for them.

If we don't get pregnant within the next few months we will start some fundraisers for adoption and start it in jan or feb 2014.

Here are some photos for you to see what the nursery looks like

unsupportive people

why cant some people just be honest with us and how they feel instead of telling us that they are praying for us to become parents and then turn around and make comments about us posting about or writing about our doctor visits. we have been doing this pretty much every since we social media came about. most of my friends on facebook are other ladies i have meet thru infertility or ttc message boards so yeah they like to hear about our journey. some are friends from highschool and some friends i made thru mike being in the military. and some is family.

if you feel like you can not be supportive of us in this journey either hide our posts or blogs about our journey thru infertility or just delete us from your friends list because we do not need any unsupportive people in our lives right now. just dont go behind our backs making comments about our posts or blogs because we are going to continue to write them not only because we have been doing this for years but we also want to get our story out there so that way people will see that going thru infertility issues is not shameful. that it is a problem in this country and we hope that by getting our story out there that maybe just maybe we can help someone else. to let someone who is scared to come out about their infertility struggles that it is okay they are not a lone. there are others just like them.

again if you feel like you can not be supportive of us during this journey then hide our posts about doctor visits or delete us from your friends. dont tell us that you are praying for us when you are not. we do not need that or want unsupportive people in our lives.

you maybe wondering what all this is about. we learnt yesterday that the same relative that excused me of bad mouthing her to family was making comments about our doctor visits. from my understanding she was trying to make others feel sorry for her because we are going thru infertility treatments and she wasnt. and that we shouldnt be posting about our journey or something like that. now this relative was telling us how she is praying and has been praying that we become parents soon but then go around comments about this. why be two face about it. just been honest with us. or at least not say nothing at all to us about it one. i am not making theses post to make others feel sorry for me. we want to share our journey with others. if no one likes then that is on them not us. 

all i can say is ugh

first i would like to take the time to say please pray for the town of west, tx. i think we all need to be praying for them right now as some of them has lost everything. and some has even lost family members. so lets pray for them.

okay now moving on. i just got to write about some crap that went on yesterday. why is it that family members are the ones that are the ones that hurt you the most.  it is kind of hard to go into detail of what went on but i am trying to get it figured out on how to wonder it all without going into a lot of detail. lets see well i defended some family on facebook yesterday about something and i guess a relative of my must of not like it. because she said some things to me that was in some ways hurtful, one was very hurtful and i just found out something else that she has said. i also want to put out one thing to not to do to someone who has infertility issues. never never tell a person going thru infertility that basically all their emotions and stress is from not being able to have a baby. yep that was what was threw in my face yesterday and it set me off really bad. if the relative that said this to me was infront of my face when she said she was have gotten punched in the face. not all my emotions or stress comes from that. and people needs to realize that comments like that can hurt. it is like rubbing salt in a wound. i have never done nothing to this relative and they are just being so mean. like just a moment ago i got a message from this relative telling me i was turning family against her by bad mouthing her. i have never said one thing about this girl that was bad. i just told the truth. she is all mad because some family members are sticking up for me. i just can not handle the crap from this little girl that is suppose to be a grown woman.  so yeah i blocked her on facebook and deleted her from my phone contacts. i am not going to lie to make myself look good. if no one does like me then they dont like me. i am a truthfully person and if no one likes then that is on them not me.

so close to home

we was sitting in the living room around 8 something last night watching tv and i happened to get my phone and check out facebook and i seen where there was a explosion at a fertilizer plant. it was really bad. we live like a hour away from the town of west, tx and i know some people who are being affected by this so please pray for this town. here is a couple of places i have found if you would like to help from a distance.

http://centraltexasfires.org/donations_for_west_texas_fire_department__survivors

this place is taken donation for the people of west http://www.extracoeventscenter.com/  starting at 9 am today

http://www.redcross.org/tx/waco/ways-to-donate

think we need to help theses people out as much as we can. some of theses people has lost everything. they have lost their homes and cars and the clothes and you name. they lost everything. some has lost loved ones. if you can not do anything but pray then pray for the whole town. the whole town is being affected by this. so please help all that you can.

i have seen a story where people are starting to loot this town. how can you be so selfish to take a advantage of a town going thru a tragedy. theses people needs to be a shamed of their selves. why do people do crap like that during a tragedy. why do people what to advantage of people going thru a tragedy. maybe instead of taken advantage of them help them out.

there just been to much saddens happening this week. i hope that nothing like this ever happens again. but right now we all  need to band together and help all that we can.

weight loss journey

my weight loss journey isnt going to well at the moment. i have been so tired here lately. there has been days i havent been able to keep my eyes open much. it all pretty much started after i was able to do the hcg trigger shot. i have read that it can make you feel tired until it is out of your system and i guess i am going to be one of those. it should be out of my system within the next week or so. it has been a week since i took it so hopefully not to much longer and it will be out of my system. plus i have been spending time with mike to. we had went saturday night to the mall to the arcade there and played some mini golf and some arcade games it was really fun.

okay now on to the weight loss journey like i am suppose to be writing about. like i said it isnt going to good at the moment but hopefully once i get over this hump of staying tired all the time i will get back into the swing of weight loss journey. oh i did get some gluten free food over the weekend and they was yummy.

is this woman for real

is this woman for real. i am reading about that Isabella Dutton, a 57 year old mother of two who declared her children to be "the biggest regret of her life." is she for real. why would you say that about your kids. maybe she needs to stop and think that it isnt her kids but herself. first of all i would just like to say this. if you knew before you had kids that you didnt want any why didnt you use protection. i dont care if you are married if you dont want kids then use protections. and then if you do have what some calls a mistake and you still dont want to have kids then why continue to have them.  i am quote her on this
"To some, my life before I had the children may have seemed humdrum and my job as a typist was, it's true, not much of a career. So what was the great sacrifice, you might think?
What I valued most in my life was time on my own; to reflect, read and enjoy my own company and peace of mind. And suddenly that peace and solitude wasn't there any more. There were two small interlopers intruding on it. And I've never got that peace back."
 well i will say this you can still have time on your own as a parent. it is always best to take a little time for yourself when you can so that way you are not staying so stressed out all the time with the day and night of taken care of a child. i am not saying go out every single day and take time for yourself but sometimes parents do need time for their self to decompress.

and other quote from this woman
"I cannot understand mothers who insist they want children - especially those who undergo years of fertility treatment - then race back to work at the earliest opportunity after giving birth, leaving the vital job of caring for them to strangers."

first of all you do not theses women that are undergoing years of fertility treatment and then go back to work. have you ever stopped to think that they maybe the type of person who likes to help their husband out with paying bills and such. i will also say this. undergoing fertility treatment is not cheap and most of the things that we have to go thru is not covered by health insurance. so yeah they may need that extra money to help raise their child or children. what give you the right to say crap like that. i bet that if you had had problems conceiving you wouldnt be saying this crap. yes i think you should be ashamed for saying this stuff. children are a gift from god and yes some of those gifts comes from infertility treatments but that doesnt mean that they are not a gift from god. 

wow wasnt expecting that

as everyone knows for nearly two weeks we have been trying to get in to see a fertility specialist. well they called this morning and asked if i could come in at 2pm today. i said i would have to ask mike if he could take off so the lady on the phone said to call him and see and get back to me. she was so nice. so i texted mike to tell him to call me if he could. so he did and i asked him and he said yes that he could take off. so i called the lady back. i thought i wasnt going to be ready by the time mike got home but i fooled myself yet again. i should have known better because it doesnt take me long to get ready for anything haha. i was all ready by 1030 and that was taken a shower, shaving my legs. getting dressed, and fixing my hair (which i just put a little curling spray in it and blow dried it.) and put on a little make up. after getting ready i so didnt know what to do with myself.
now on to the doctor appointment
doctor appointment went pretty good. i was told to be there 20 minutes before the actually appointment because the line to check in at is usually long. i guess i probably stood and waited like 4 to 5 minutes to wait to check in but we had gotten there pretty much like a hour before our appointment (yeah i always try to be early for appointments lol) got my blood pressure and weight checked and then sit and waited to be call back. the waiting to be call back to longer then the appointment itself lol. the doctor was pretty nice. she asked us a bunch of questions and then did a ultrasound. well we got a surprise (well i guess you can say it was a surprise) the doctor said that it looked like i had a follicle that was ready to be release so we get to do the trigger shot tonight (hcg shot). she did say that it could be a cyst but she believes that it is a follicle. i was not expecting to get that news. i wasnt expecting to get in to see the doctor today. i told mike that it was either meant for us to find out about the follicle or the cyst one before it got any bigger. let me tell you it was huge so i really hope and pray that it is a follicle. i go on the 19th for some blood work done and hopefully we will find out then that i ovulated.
on the way to the doctor i said this to mike. you know how they say it takes a village to raise a child well it is taken a village for us to become pregnant. if this does wand up being a cyst then we maybe moving on to a IUI or IVF possible a IUI but we got to figure out how to pay for that as our insurance doesnt cover it. i think they should cover it but they dont. we may have to do a fundraiser or see if we can not get a grant one. that is how the village saying came about was us talking about IUIs and IVFs one.
please just continue to pray for us that this is it for us. and thank you all for reading my blog and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. baby dust to all of you out there trying to conceive.

one week down

it has been one week since i started this weight loss journey and it has been a slow go. even though i did try to do my exercises at home last week but it rained on the days that i was going to go for my walk/run. and then i started to get sick. but i still did my work outs that i do at home done. i really need to get my eating under control and change some eating habits. i am trying really hard to change all this but you never know how hard it is until you go thru this change. in some ways i guess it is like a addiction. when you are trying to over come a addiction it is hard. and this is hard changing your eating habits. i know i need to change for my health and my future health but it is so hard. but i will get thru this and it will make me a stronger person. i really dont know if i have lost any weight between last monday until now because i havent gotten on the scales but i dont think i have. going to wait until like may 1 to get on the scales and take measurements. keep fingers crossed that they have moved some even if it is just alittle.

i know that this is going to be a slow go. i also know that if i was to loose weight too too fast that isnt good for you. so i am okay with it slow going. i just wish i had the eating under control. i know that is my main problem is eating a whole lot and some of the things i eat.

Weight loss journey

Today starts the weight loss journey. I am going to share some before photos with you and my weight and measurements. No I do not care if you know this. I am not a shamed of my body. I know I need to get at a healthy weight but I am not a shamed of it. Not saying that every one does share their weight or measurement is a shamed because that is not always the truth. I just don't care if you know how much I weigh that is how I have always been.

Today's weight is 185lbs. Measurements are arms left 13in right 14in. Bust 41 1/2in waist 40 1/2in hips 47in thighs left 25 1/2in right 26 in.

Why is it that sometimes your left side is either bigger or smaller then the other side.

Today I am going to do some ab workout with one of those exercise balls and go for a walk/run today. I am going to take that rasphyberry ketones pills to. I will let you know if those are any good or not.

Now for the photos. Over look the mess in the bathroom