good bye 2011 hello 2012

good bye 2011 and hello 2012. i can not believe that this is the last day of this year. it doesnt seem like it should be though. 2011 was tough year at least i guess you could say that. it started out with me spending time with mike before he left on a deployment. (and i just have to say that it is ending with me spending time with mike after he came home on deployment so that is good lol). then several days after the 1st of jan 2011 i moved back to alabama from texas so i could have been closer to my family during the deployment. then not long after moving back to alabama i lost a uncle to cancer. it seemed like i have stayed sick with my allergies or a cold this pass year. stayed under alot of stress. there was alot of times i felt like i shouldnt have moved back to alabama during the deployment because it just seemed like there was times that my family didnt want to spend anytime with me. (they kept using the excuse that i lived nearly a hour away but i had to drive to their house just about every weekend so i do not see what was going to hurt them to visit me some or at least go shopping with me or go to the movies or just came down to eat dinner with me. i hope they will never have to know what it is like to live alone and eat dinner alone. that is not fun. i moved back to texas in nov and then like a week and half a go i went to the homecoming for mike and i got into a wreck. wont get the car back until sometime next month. i really do hope that 2012 is a good year for us. i hope we get pregnant this year or we get to adopt. i hope that good things happens for us and for everyone. you may ask if i am making any new year resolutions. nope i am not. i am tired of making them and then never sticking with it. i can hope that things that i would like to happen happens but i am not going to hold my breath and i am not going to say that i am going to do this or that one because i have never kept with a new year resolutions. i actually do not know of anyone that has. lets see what else i hope happens in 2012. i hope that i will be able to start some online college courses. and i hope that my health gets better. that is pretty much it. well i am going to go. happy new year to everyone who reads this and i hope you all have a safe and fun night tonight and that 2012 brings happiest and joy to everyone.

dec already

can you believe it is dec already, i can not. it seems like just yesterday i was blog about nov and what all i had to do in nov lol. nov was a busy month for me. gave my cousin her babyshower that was a fun day. moved back to texas (oh isnt moving fun haha ) i started unpacking the saturday after thanksgiving. and i am still not done. oh i was without heat for like 6 days there. there was like two or three days there that it wasnt all that cold at night so it didnt brother me. but on saturday it got really cold. they came out to look at it on saturday but couldnt fix it. the property management company that we are going though to rent the house sent over a little heater for me to use until they got the heat fixed. it was finally fixed on tuesday. the pass two days i havent felt like doing to much because i have been sick with a cold. i hope it leaves soon. the only rooms i have left to finish up with things is the bedroom and the office. i am almost finished with the bedroom and really havent gotten started on the office. i have done a couple of things in there but not enough to tell that i have done anything lol.

there isnt much going on in dec but paying bills (which i do every month) finishing up with unpacking, and celebrating christmas. i hope that i will be able to get all i want to get mike for christmas but we will have to wait until like around the 15 of this month to see if i will be able to. i have only gotten him one thing for christmas so far and two things for his stocking. but i know we wont have much for christmas but at least we will be together. well that is hopefully we will be together for christmas.

well that is it for now i will try to update more later.

why i am thankful

i have been seeing where people are saying what they are thankful for. well i am just making one thing of what all i am thankful for.

i am thankful for my friends who has been there for me though this deployment and who has just been a shoulder to lean on (even though we havent sit down and talk in person. you have been there for me thru the internet)

i am thankful for my family. no matter how much we get on each other nerves (i know we all get on each other nerves) you have still been there for me when i needed you.

i am thankful to have my life and left. and to have God in my life.

i am thankful to have a home

and most important i am thankful to have mike in my life. i do not know where i would be if it wasnt for him. i am thankful that he is brave, strong and has courage to do something that protects us all.

a update that is long time in coming

okay this update is in a long time in coming. i may have told you this before but i am not to sure and i dont want to go back though the months to see. but if i have there is more to it lol. okay back in april we was told that this friend of friend of one of my nieces and nephews was wanting to give up their twins and they wanted to see if we would adopt them. i said yes i didnt have think about it. i didnt have to ask mike about it because i knew we wanted to lol. i told them that just let me know when they wanted to meet up so we could talk and i can get to the adoption agency that said they would help us and get it all started. i waited and waited. i asked my niece if she had heard anything and she asked her friend and they said that their friend was saying they needed more time. and this had done been a month of waiting. and i waited some more and some more and i never heard anything more. you know i am not upset that the birthmother changed her mind. she has that right to. and if she feels like that is what is best for those babies then that is what is best for them. but i think what really upset me the most about this. is that they kept saying they needed more time and no i was not bugging them about this. i gave them time. and i kept given time and they just never said anything to me that they changed their. i just want to take this chance to say this to any birthmothers that is reading this please if you change you mind if it is a private adoption or just something you are just thinking about doing and you know someone that you would like to adopt and then you change you mind after telling them. please please let them know that you change your mind. i promise you that they will understand. yes it will hurt but that hurt will not last as long if you would just tell them. okay now on to another one. well a few months ago (aug to be exact and i think it was around my birthday) i was asked if i wanted to adopt the baby of family member of a friend. and i said she but i would need to know if this is a for sure thing and that both birthparents wanted the baby to be adopted (because some part of me felt like the birthfather didnt want to do that. that he wanted to raise that baby his self). well it has been what 3 months now and i have not heard anything on this one. so it is safe to assume that we are not going to adopt this baby. yes the adoption process is a struggle. but i know in the end it will be worth it all. mike and i have talked about it and we want to give the fertility shots a try. but we are still not giving up our dream of adoption. we will have our little bundle of joy or joys one day. maybe even by this time next year.

nov already

can you believe it is nov already. in a couple of weeks i will be back in texas. well about a week and half i will be back in texas. looking for a place to live and then waiting on our stuff. nov is going to be a busy month i just hope with it being a busy month that it will go by fast lol. okay least see what all is going to go on this month. got to pack, clean, and paint and clean up after that. got a baby shower that i am planning for my cousin this saturday. that should be fun. and moving, finding a place to live, getting a place to live, getting our stuff, and unpacking. yep i got a busy month ahead of me. but it will be okay though. i need something to do pass the time lol.

okay oct was a semi busy month for me. packed biggest part of my house up in oct. actually i think i done it in about a week or a week and half at least something like that. i paid off some little bills. that is going to help us out so much. and i am glad that we was able to pay them off. been sick some to. between allergies, a stomach virus, a cold and joint pain it was alittle rough but i got though it all. i also got my christmas shopping for my family done in oct. now i just need to get them wrapped and leave them at my parents house for everyone to open on christmas morning. yep that is pretty much the month of oct for me. oh yeah i found out in oct that i lost 10 pounds since june. i am so happy about that. maybe i can loose a little more in the next month or two but for right now i am happy with 10 pounds.

okay as i said nov is going to a busy month for me. i hope that i will not stay sick this month alot like i have been because i need to get all this done. well i am going to go but i hope you all are doing good and if i dont get to tell you on thanksgiving HAPPY THANKSGIVING i hope you all have a safe and wonderful thanksgiving.

happy halloween

i just wanted to wish everyone a happy halloween. i hope you all have a fun and safe day and night.

wonders if i will ever get done with everything.

i wonder if i will ever get done with everything before i leave around the 12 of nov to go back to texas. i got to have my whole house packed up and be ready to move the weekend after thanksgiving. i was hoping we could have a moving company to do it all but it was going to cost us nearly 7000 dollars. so my family is going to help me with everything. i still hope that we are going to have the money for everything that needs to be done. i have finish up the shopping for that baby shower (which i dont think that is going to cost to much more. i have coupons for sometime for that lol). i need to buy paint to paint the kitchen and living room. got to have money for a plane ticket for my brother. he is going to drive me to texas as i am afraid i will have a panic attack on the interstate. and got to have money to give him for gas and a moving truck (which i think we are going to go with a budget rental truck) and i got to have money to pay our bills next month and to rent us a house. next month is going to be really tight on the money i think. i really do need help with the packing and moving boxes and tubs around but i am afraid to ask my family for to much help. i feel bad that they have to help me move our stuff back to texas. i hate that they are having to take time out of their busy lives to help and i love them for that. i know i need to focus on one thing at a time to keep my stress level down but it is so hard not to. esspecially when i just look around the house and see everything that still needs to be done. i know it all is not going to be organized to good. and once i start to unpack it all when it gets to texas i will be wishing that it was but i just do not have the time to organize or the money really. i think the only way to really get it completely organize is to buy all new storage tubs and we do not have the money for that (actually we could use some new ones as these are missing leds and some of the leds are busted alittle but we do not have the money for it.) just thinking about all this makes me want to crawl under the bed until it is all done.

is in a good mood alittle

i am in a good mood. what has me in a good mood is that. we have gotten to pay off some of our bills. i know that we still have a few more that needs to be paid off but it still feels good to pay some of them off lol. now i just wish i can get everything with moving figured out. like how much it is going to cost to hire a moving company. i know it will be over a 1000 dollars but i have no clue how much over it is going to be. it will be my luck that we will not be able to hire a moving company but i like to hope that i know that my family will help me and it not cost a whole lot but we have to wait to hear from a moving company but i am not going to wait to much longer because i need to be in texas next month. my allergies are still bothering me but not as much as they had been but i think that may be because of the cooler weather. oh i am glad it is not hot outside anymore. but it is starting to get really cool outside. just walked out side to go to the mailbox and i was wishing i had put a jacket on before going out but i didnt think it was going to be that cool outside but hey i am liking it better then the heat that we had during the summer. oh i just feel like things are starting to look up and i am in a good mood. and not going to let nothing spoil it.

road blocks of life

i have been trying to think of how to write this without it sounding stupid (yeah i have been told at times that i dont know how to speak and i need to learn but oh well if you dont like it dont listen or read lol) i just want to take some time to write alittle bit about road blocks of life and what i how i learn to do about it them.

i have realized that you can not go around the road blocks that pop up in your path. you just need to go thru them. yeah it may be scary at first but if you just go around them they are going to follow you where ever you go. just go thru them and you may realize that some of them was not so hard to go thru. yes there will be some that may be so hard to get thru that you start to wish that you had just went around them but that is not going to help you to move on from that road block. there are all kinds of road blocks that can and probably will pop up on you as you go down your path of life. just try to keep your head up and your heart open and just keep walking and i promise you once you get to the other side of the road block you will feel at peace.

to know me is to understand me

to know me is to understand me. i am not a perfect person and i do not act like i am. i try to be a honest person. i try to be a good wife, a good friend, a good family member. i try to listen when you just need someone to listen to you. i try to give you advice. granted sometimes it may not be best of advice and that is just it advice it is up to you if you want to follow that advice or not. so when that advice doesnt help you dont take it out on me. sometimes i may speak before i get my thoughts gather up and i know sometimes that is not a good thing. i know i do not have the perfect grammer. i know i do not speak to well or spell to well. and yes i am shy person until i get to know you better and can trust. you may wonder this when we first met in person (that is if you do not already know me pretty good) and that is because when i was younger i was always made fun of because i have never been good at spelling or pronouncing things or having prefect grammer. but this is me. i dont have perfect grammer, i am a honest person, i try to be a good wife and friend and family member. i am there for you when you need me to be. this is me and if you do not like me then dont be friends with me. because i am not going to change who i am. i love who i am and i am happy. my wonderful hubby is happy and he loves who i am. and to me that is all that counts. but to be friend is to know me and to understand me.

okay i know that probably didnt make sense to any of you but that is okay.

can you believe that today is the last day of sept

can you believe that today is the last day of sept. i sure cant. this month sure does seemed like it by fast even though there was days it just dragged by but now with it being the last day of sept looking back at this month it did go by fast. i really havent done much this month fight my allergies, read, cleaning, go though clothes to get rid of, and talk to mike. oh i love talking to mike. i love sharing my good and bad days with him. love how he can make my bad days turn into good days. okay getting off track alittle here. i also been getting things for the baby shower in nov for my cousin. also have all the decorations and the things for the games and the beginning of nov i will get the food for it. i also have been stressing alot about our bills and moving back to texas. yep i am moving back to texas in nov. it will be sometime after my cousin's baby shower. but i am going back to texas. had to take money out of our savings yet again to cover bills. and it sucks big time. but our insurance are paid up for the six months, so that is one less thing to worry about for the next six months. i am hoping that once i get moved and get settled that mike and i will be able to start saving money again. but i dont know if it is going to be possible with our bills. and i am still trying to think of a way to get the money up to move on in nov. because i think what is left in the savings is not going to cover it all. i just feel so bad that we do not have as much in the savings as we was hoping we would have. but the bills are just bills and i do not want them to be late. and i plus i have been trying to paying off some of them. we have one bill paid off and that is a credit card of mike's. but we still have so many more that needs to be paid off and i am going to try my hardest to get them paid off one day. i was hoping we could have paid off in a year from now but it is looking like it isnt going to happen. it may wand up being longer.

on to other things lol. the month oct is going to busy for me. with getting everything ready for the move in nov. i still need to go though some more things. and plus i may go ahead and pack up some summer clothes. i will not be needing my shorts or bathing suits or some of my tank tops right now. well it is still not cold but it is not hot neither. and i plus i am going to try to work out as much as i can. because i do want to try to loose a few more pounds before christmas. i think i am doing good with the weight loss. i am not at the weight i was last year. i havent gained any back and havent lost anymore. it seems like i am stuck at about 176lbs. i know i will loose some more it will take time and patience.

besides all that we are doing good. we are looking forward to the day we will get to start the fertility shots. which maybe anywhere from march to april. i am kind of hoping for earlier then that. and i am also hoping that by this time next year i will be pregnant or be starting the adoption process. we wand up getting pregnant then we will start the adoption process in 2013 probably. we do know that if the fertility shots work or not we still want to adopt.

well i am going to go but i hope you all have a good day. and that you had a good month of sept and you have a good month of oct. we wish you all the happiest and joy for everyone.

it is birthday day yay

yep today is my birthday. can you believe that i turned 31 years old today. i really wish someone tell me that the year i was born in is wrong and i am actually 29 lol. okay i am going to take being 31 like the woman that i know i am lol. i really do hope that 31 is going to be a good year for me. i really am thankful to have mike in my life. he bought me a kindle, a kindle cover, and a cd (which i had already gotten the cd a week or two ago lol.) and i would say that the thing that means the most to me that he got me would have to be the charm he got for my charm bracelet. i really love that. dont get me wrong i love all the gifts he got me but i just think the charm means more to me then anything else. my parents had given me money for my birthday so i went and got my hair cut today. but i am not going to have any birthday cake today. i had a piece on sunday at my parents but i will not be eating today. i know weird lol. but i dont want to make one for myself and i do not want to get back out and go to town to go buy one just for myself. next year i will have a piece of cake on my birthday.

okay time for alittle bit more of a update besides of my birthday lol. i can not believe that aug is almost over with. in two more days it will be sept and hopefully cooling weather is on the way. things are going good. i am starting to sleep alittle better at night. got alot of things that i was putting off doing done. and i am trying to stay busy. sept is going to be a busy month for me. carrying my mom to her physical therapy, getting things ready for the baby shower in nov. and trying to find someone who will not charge us a arm and leg to paint the inside of our house. we have two baths, two bedrooms, a living room, and dinning/kitchen that needs to be painted. and i really can not do it by myself. i can not move the couch and things like that around to paint. that is going to be how my sept is going to be for me. oh i can not forget about working out to. hopefully by oct i will have lost another pound or two. yeah it is a slow going but i will get there.

can you believe aug is half way over with

can you believe that aug is half way over with all ready. i so can not. it seems like yesterday it was the 1st of aug lol. i also can not believe that school has started back. three of my nieces and nephews started back to school on aug 5. and the rest starts back tomorrow. i can not believe how old they are making me lol. my oldest niece will be going into 12th grade tomorrow. i can not believe that. i can remember going to the hospital and visiting her when she was born. she was a preemie. you can not tell it by looking her but she was. in 16 days i will be 31 years old. in some ways it is going to be kind of hard to turn 31 because i had always thought i would done had about 2 to 3 kids by now and i dont. i had went school shopping with my sister inlaw and old niece and youngest nephew one weekend ( i think it was like the first weekend of aug) and it just hit me that if mike and i had had gotten pregnant on our honeymoon like we was hoping at that time. then our child that we would have had would be starting school this year or going into first grade one. it would just depend on when they would have been born. i had never thought of it like that before but i did on that day i went shopping with my family. and i just wanted to come home and cry.

okay enough of that. i was going to write back in july about that on like july 26 well actually 27 , 2006 i had found out that i have hypothyroidism and i also have pcos. the two things that is keeping me from getting pregnant. to tell the truth sometimes i wonder if there is something else going on to. i can not believe that it has been 5 years since i found out. it just doesnt seem like it. maybe this is going to be our lucky year. well we can hope and pray.

thank you to all my family and friends and a personal thank you to mike.

i just wanted to take the time to thank you all and to personal thank mike. i will start with all my family and friends. thank you all for being there for me and letting me be who i am. yes i know i may have my moments where i do not want to be around anyone but you all know that doesnt mean that i do not love you any less. sometimes i just need to destress. and also thank you to all my family and friends who wants to take the time to spend time with me and getting me out of the house while mike is gone. it means alot. you all know who you are.

okay on to thanking mike

mike thank you for always being there for me and for loving me. thank you for letting me be who i am. and also i would like to thank you for saying hi back at me on feb. 1, 2003. i really do think i was lost for so long and on that day when you said hi back i started to get back to the person i use to be. thank you for having patience with me trying to over come my fears. i have had them for so long that it is taken time to get over them. but i am getting over them. it is a slow go but i am. thank you for having that strong shoulder for me to lean on when i need it. i do not know where i would be to this day if we hadnt said anything to each other.

and i was also like to thank god for sending mike to. i really do feel like he sent him to me.

so can not believe it is aug

i so can not believe it is already aug. but in some ways i am glad of it because that means i am one more month closer to getting to see mike again. we still dont know when he is going to get to come home. let me tell you i wish we did know. i am so ready for him to be home. aug i am hoping is going to be a little busy for me. i am going to try to either go to the gym which is going to cost like 35 dollars but i can get a trainer and i think that would be good for me. or just going to go to the park and walk/ their nature trail one. i really want to loose some weight. i think though the best way to do that is go the route with the trainer but i just dont know if i want to spend the 35 dollars for it. i know it would be worth it but i just keep thinking that i could put that 35 dollars in the savings for either adoption or the fertility drugs or put it towards bills. but i also know if i can loose this weight and get back to a healthy weight for me it will be worth it in the end and i would look and feel a whole lot better about myself to. i will let you all know how it goes and which one i pick lol. also my birthday is this month. i am going to be 31 years old. i keep telling myself that i am not going to be 31 but 25 in the hopes that it will come true lol. yeah i know it isnt going to come true but hey i can try lol. i think one reason why i kind of wish i wasnt turning 31 one that i really dont have nothing to show for it. yes i have mike and i love him with all my heart and there is nothing i wouldnt do for him and he knows this. but i had always imaged that i would be married (which i am ) and would have had like 2 to 3 kids by now (which i dont). so yeah it is kind of hard for me to turn 31. i got to thinking the other (saturday evening) that if mike and i had gotten pregnant on our wedding night (which i think deep down we both had hoped for it that night and a several days after it) that our kid would be starting school or going into first grade now. i know i shouldnt think theses things but it is hard not to. i want to be a mommy so much. i know what someone of you are thinking it will happen for you one day dont give up hope. i am trying my hardest not to give up but as the years go by it is kind of hard not to. please if you have never had any problems with getting pregnant please do not say anything to me because you have no idea what it is like. and i would never wish this on anybody.

well that is my first of the month update. i hope you all are doing good and i will update more later.

it is getting to be really hard

it is getting to be really hard watching friend after friend having babies. some has had more then pregnancy though out these 7 years that mike and i have been trying to have baby. it hurts. i am not saying that i am not happy for my friends but it is just hard. because i want to be pregnant and be a mommy to. i am very happy for my friends. i know some have had problems with getting pregnant but they still get pregnant though. i know in some ways they know how i feel. but in someways they dont. because it hasnt been 7 years of trying for them like it has for mike and i. yes i know theses deployments are not helping with us getting pregnant. and i know some people probably thinks i shouldnt count those long long long months of being apart as part of our trying to get pregnant but i do. it is just so hard. i can hear people already. oh it will happen for you dont give up. you go 7 years of trying to get pregnant and see how you feel about it. i can hear people say it will happen when you are ready. umm hello mike and i are ready to be parents. we have always been ready to be parents. in truth who is really ready to be parents. i know some people make this is mean of me saying this but i just wish it was mike and i that was having a baby.

has made some people mad

has made some people mad. well as far as i know just one person but they will get over it. i just got tired of seeing someone go down the wrong path. and treating others the way this person was. i know this person needs to grow up. everyone else that we know has tried to talk to this person and they are just not listening. so i thought i give it a try and because i was tired of seeing this person go down the wrong and the way they was treating people. this person is suppose to be adult now but they sure dont act like it. they are not doing nothing with their life. they are trying to put blame on others at time and that is not right. i just wanted to share this with you all so you will know do not be scared to say something to someone you feel that needs to grow up or you feel is lost and dont know which way to go or who they are. because they may get mad but they will get over it. sometimes you maybe one of the lucky ones and that person wont get mad but agree with you and do something about it. and you may wand up like me and make people mad but in the long run they will get over it. because you know something i have this feeling that the only reason why they are getting mad is because they know deep down that i maybe right but they are not ready to grow up. even though it is time for them to.

i know i probably just didnt make any sense sorry about that. i am trying to learn how to word things so that they will.

so bored so i thought i would update

so i am sitting here bored so i thought i would do alittle update. there really isnt to much going on right now. just been doing alittle reading and trying to feel better. for just about this whole month my sinuses has been acting up. i had to go to the doctor and get some meds for it. right i am feeling a whole lot better then what i was. and i am hoping that it continues to stay that way. i had to celebrate my and mike's anniversary alone. no one wanted to help me pass that day without being by myself. but i didnt get to video chat with mike on that. so that helped. i didnt get to go to applebee's and eat that day like mike and i has always done on our anniversary and yes it kind of sucked. 4th of july was a good day for me i guess. i just wish that mike had been home with me. i still had a good day. i am hoping that this summer will hurry and get over with because i am so tired of the heat. it is really hot here lately. well that is pretty much all that there is going on here lately. i hope you all are doing good.

just want to say

i just want to say that i love all my nieces and nephews. there is nothing i would not do for them. i know that there is some people who thinks i dont but i love all my nieces and nephews. i wish i had the money to carry them to movies more like i was hoping i would have this summer but i do not. i think these people who thinks that i dont love my nieces and nephews needs to stop and think that if i didnt love them would i try to go to the birthday parties when i can. would i go out and buy them birthday gifts or christmas gifts. and even if i do not have the money to buy them birthday or christmas gifts i still buy them but i love them. yes i know i do not spend as much time with them like i probably should but that doesnt mean that i do not love them. if no one believes me just ask mike and he will tell you that i love them. and yes i do tell my nieces and nephews that i love them. maybe i dont do it every single day but i do tell them.

so here it is i love you dylan, i love you kristen, i love you justin, i love you jason, i love you jessica, i love you c.j. and i love you tater bug.

june is almost over with

i can not believe how fast july is approaching. in just 6 days mike and i will be married for 7 years. i so can not believe that. he a wonderful husband and i love him so much. the two weeks that we had together was great. we didnt do to much but stay home and maybe took small weekend trips like that. we went to the movies and watch the new xmen movie. it was really good to get to spend time with him. i wish we could spend more time together but it isnt possible right now with his work. after our two weeks together i have stayed busy with a alice in wonderland tea party i had. it went okay. only people that showed up was my mom and sister inlaw and my two nieces. and now i have just been trying to get my house all cleaned back up and get over this sore throat. it isnt as bad as it was on friday and saturday. just feels a little itchy. july is going to be a busy month for me. got our anniversary which we will not be doing anything special for that. maybe we will make up for it next year. got the cook out at my parents and then i am going to try to find me a job and join a gym so hopefully by dec or next year one i will have lost the weight i want to lose. and that is probably going to be my july. no vacations just hopefully a job and loosing weight. well that is the update for now but i will try to update you all more later on.

beth

taken the time to update

i know i usually wait until the end of the month to write a blog to update you all . but as the next week or so is going to be very busy for me i just wanted to take the time to update you all. we are doing good just staying busy. allergies are just acting up again and this time it is effecting my ears pretty good. yesterday was the worse though. so hopefully tomorrow will be better on that front. i am almost finished with the decorations for the wedding shower i am throwing for my cousin. i was going to use real flowers but i may wand up just buying some fake flowers to finish up on the decoration. because i have other things i need to get for the wedding shower like food. what is a party without food lol. and plus my mom and i are giving my oldest nephew a graduation party the sunday after the wedding shower. and all this is going to take place in a week. can you believe that we have a 18 year old nephew and he is graduating. actually we have two 18 year old nephews. dang i am getting old lol. the pass month has been almost like a roller coaster i guess you could say. lost a friend but i guess if she was actually a true friend she would have agree to disagree on our bliefs. instead of just deleting me from her life. that she also could have messaged me to let me know that she was deleting me. but i do believe it is because i have different bliefs then her and i showed it but oh well. not going to cry over spilled milk. because i will not change what i believe in to make others happy. i know i am probably misspelling something here and i am sorry for that. never been good at spelling. and i know i will never be good at it so you will have to over look it.

june is going to be a busy month for me. got my youngest niece's birthday party. also got the alice in wonderland tea party i am throwing for a girls day. hmm wondering if i could come up with a girls night just for the adults lol. maybe i will plan that for august or sept one lol. i know i am not going to plan one in july got to do some relaxing on that part at least for myself on giving the parties myself. now if someone wants my help in planning a party hey just ask away and i maybe able to help you. yeah i have been thinking of starting a party planning business but i do not want to go into business by myself because i know it would be harder then what it would be if you went into business with someone else. because then you can half up the work load lol. and other reason why is because as mike being in the military it would be harder to be in a business with someone with us moving around. so i will have to wait. but i would be nice though.

well that is the update for now. if i can get a chance between parties i will update again. i hope you all are doing good and that you all have a wonderful summer.

a debate i have been having with some friends

okay here is a debate i have been having with some friends. and in some ways some friends has kind of made me feel bad for what i believe in and has really what you say been preaching at me about this. and i feel like they should not be preaching to people. i was raised to not preach to people. let them believe in what they want and i believe in what i want and not to judge. and yes in someways i do feel like i am being judge for what i believe in. okay you maybe wondering what the debate is. here it is.

the debate is whether or not sex is an important of a any relationship but mainly a marriage. and i have to disagree on this. and i have to disagree that god designed sex to be important of marriage. i do not believe that is it. even though i can not have children i believe that god designed sex for you to concieve. yes i do believe in birthcontrol. i have taken birthcontrol before. i think that sex does not solve problems that are in a marriage. and if you say that you are having sex with your husband or wife because it something they want. that it makes them happy. let me rephase this. if you have sex only when your husband or wife wants to have sex. even if you are not in the mood for but you do it anyways to make them happy that is wrong. what about your happiest. i can tell you this love having sex and i love having sex with mike. the lord knows i do but we both understand when one of us is not in the mood we do not have sex. we also do not have sex to solve our problems. you may say that is not what you are doing and it could be true. and rightly i really dont care if you are having sex to solve your problems. that is your business not my. but that is what i believe in. i have never not once said that no one should never sex at all. i never said and there is some people that in some ways are trying to say i said that and i have never said that. but i do not think that sex is a important of a marriage just a bonus.

its that time of year again

yep it is that time of year again where all you hear is happy mother's day. see mother's day signs in the stores. no i will not be celebrating mother's day again this year. i will not go to my parents on sunday. i will carry my mother her mother's day gift from mike and i on saturday but on sunday i will not be going anywheres. i will not even be getting on the computer to much because i do not want to see everyone wishing their friends are mothers a happy mother's day. i get way you that has kids or that are pregnant are celebrating. and i am happy for you all but be alittle respectful to the one that are trying to become a mommy but has failed time after time. and who wants to be a mommy so much. i know that may sound mean to some but it is hard each year that goes by and i am not a mommy. i do not wish this on no one. it is hard to pretend be happy when i am not. yes there are things in my life that are happy but this where i can not get pregnant makes me unhappy. some of you may know how i feel and some of you may not. if you dont dont say anything. dont even say that it will happen when it is time. do not say that god will grant you a child when he feels you are ready. because in truth you do not know what god has in store for us. and i am just tired of hearing that. do you think that god wants to see his child's (we all are children of god) heart breaking because she can not be a mommy. no i do not believe he does and i do not believe that he is withholding a child of my own from me. i feel that in my heart. i do not want to hear do not stress and do not think about just relax. let me tell you there has been plenty of times i have been relaxed and it hasnt happened. and look at the people who have had so much stress in their life and has never relaxed and they have children. and i do not want to hear if you have sex at this time of the month or that time of the month you will get pregnant. i also do not want to hear just quit trying and it will happen. just respect me on my decision of skipping mother's day and of my feelings even on other days. if the only thing you can is one of those things then dont say nothing at all. i know this may make some mad and you may not want to be my friend after this and that is okay that is your right. but it is my right to not to celebrate and think of myself on theses days. and like i also said before if you have never been though any kind of fertility issues you do not have the right to say anything at all because you do not know what it is like. you do not know how much your heart breaks each day, month, year that goes by and you do not have a little one in your arms. be thankful of that.

the end of april is upon us

the end of april is upon us. i can not believe that april has went by pretty fast. sometimes i feel like i have not gotten anything done lol but i have gotten a few things done. got the room i was painting on painted with the help of two of my nephews. got the decorations made for my cousin's wedding shower. got a few things for the alice in wonderland party i am having in june. i still need to do a few more things for both of those and i will have it all done. for the wedding shower. i need the food and party favors. oh and started planning a graduation party for my oldest nephew. he graduates next month. i have stayed sick with all this allergy junk that is going around. cant seem to get rid of it. when i get to feeling better and want to spend sometime out side enjoying the nice warm weather it all starts acting back up again. i think i have hurt my back alittle some how. if it isnt better by monday i will go to the doctor and find out what is wrong. it doesnt hurt all the time. just when i turn a sorten way or getting up or sitting down. and the pain is that bad. it is something i can handle but going on over a week maybe longer is long enough.

i know you all are watching the news and is seeing all the reports on the storms that came though the south. yes i live in alabama. i am so thankful every day that all my family and friends are okay. i was sending up lots and lots of prayers on april 27. that we all will make it though all okay. i have lived in alabama all my life (minus the year that the army had us living in va and texas.) so i have seen some bad storms but nothing compare to this. it is like mother nature was angry. sometimes that day i got to thinking who ever made her angry better say sorry soon lol. the storms pretty much went around me. i was glad for that. i was with out power for a several hours. it had went out once about 300pm and then came back on about 430 but then went back out at 500pm and didnt came back on until 230 am on thrusday. some of my family is still without power but i am hoping and praying that they will get power back soon. oh and i also would like to ask everyone to pray for the families that has lost everything. and who has lost their loves ones. they are really needing the prayers.


i was hoping that i would have some really big news to share with you but as of right now we do not have big news. maybe we will have before june but i am not going to hold my breath on that. but please keep praying that this good thing happens for mike and i. we deserve to have good things to happen. just like everyone else does to.

well i am going to go but i hope you all are doing good.

it is always so hard around the holidays

it is always so hard to not be a parent around the holidays. seeing the happy families together with their kids. seeing how friends or family members saying their kids this for them. or having friends or family members saying how their kids are learning why we have this holiday for. seeing friends or family members pregnant. it is so hard because it just seem like i will never have that. dont get me wrong i am so happy for my family and friends and i am glad that they do not have to go though this pain of not being able to get pregnant. but i can not help but to wonder why can not be me and mike. will we not make good parents. do we not deserve to have someone to call us mom and dad. do we not deserve to watch a kid grow up and become the person they are meant to be.

if it was up to me i would just skip the holidays. but i know if i dont show up and paste a smile on face then my family would get mad at me. i am just so tired of having to act happy when i am not. i am so tired of being told it will happen by people who doesnt even know what it is like. and i am tired of being told to stay positive or to stop beating myself up. well it is my fault that we can not get pregnant. i feel like i have failed mike in making him a daddy. i know what some of you maybe saying it isnt your fault but it is. it my ovaries that do not want to work and produce those eggs to make a baby with. so i do feel like that. it has always been my dream of becoming a parent. and right now i just feel like it is never going to happen. and i have the right to feel this way. especially around the holidays. so if i am not a happy go lucky person around the holidays get over it because i am tired of pasting a fake smile and pretending that things are all right.

happy birthday to my nephew

i just like to take the time in writing a birthday letter/blog to my nephew. 16 years ago today you was born. you was one of the most beautiful baby boys i have ever seen. you always had a smile on your face for any one. your smile would light up the room. we didnt have you long with us as the lord wanted you with him but for the year that we did have you in our life has made it that much better. we will always miss you and remember you and love you. and will always remember that smile of yours.

happy birthday jacob. i love and miss you.

the last day of march

can you believe that this is the last day of march. it just seems like yesterday that it was just becoming march. i have been trying to stay busy. i have carried my mom to places. that has kept me pretty busy. did a little painting. spent time with family. took a few pictures. and did some reading. i think that in the last three days i have read three books. yep i am reading alot. i have my moments where i dont want to read and i have my moments where i do. so i have been reading alot and been blogging about them on my website http://bethsbookreviews.blogspot.com/ you go on there and read about them and decide if you want to read them or not. i also have been sick some this month. between stomach viruses and allergies i havent felt to good and i havent felt like doing to much of exercising. but i am starting to feel better. april is going to be a busy month to between easter and my nephew's birthday. and i am hoping i will be able to get out and visit friends and take pictures. i still need to do some more picture taken to learn some more. there is a photo workshop in april that i may take. i kind of dont want to take it by myself so i am trying to find someone to take it with me. it is only going to cost 20 dollars if you want to take it with me just let me know and i will send you the information on it.

mike is doing good. he is just missing home and staying pretty busy.

i dont think i have lost anymore weight but i am hoping that by the end of april i will a good report on that.

that is it for a update for right now. i will try to update more later.

thoughts on things

how can i say what is on my mind without making people mad. i guess there is no way around making people mad. but i just got to say this. i am so tired of people saying things bad about alabama. there is nothing wrong with alabama. yes if you stay in one spot instead of getting out exploring you may think there isnt much to alabama. but alabama is a beautiful state. you got to get out to these state parks or the zoo one and just explore. just dont sit at home and complain about about alabama. you may think i am saying this because i am from alabama. and i love my home state of alabama. but i would never say i hate this state or agree with people saying crap about that state. yes there is states i wouldnt want to live but i would never talk bad about that state because i have friends all over this country and i do not want to hurt their feelings. you got to stop and think before you say anything. and i also got to say this about rednecks. we all are not rude and crude. so dont judge all rednecks because of a few that are rude and crude. we all are not like that. unless you catch us on a bad day then we may be rude and crude. yep i am putting myself in with the rednecks. i have never said i wasnt a redneck. because i am. and maybe it dont come out that way but i am. i am proud to be from the south and i will always live in the south. i am proud to be from alabama. and even if the military takes us far away from alabama. i will always be proud to be from alabama and will always say it is my home state. even if it rains alot or it so hot you can not stand it. i am still proud to be from alabama.

sorry if i made anyone mad but i had to put this out there. because i feel like it isnt right to be talked about like that. and yes when you talk bad about alabama i feel like you are talking bad about it. because i love home state. and if you dont want to be my friend because of this that is your loss not my. but i hope you will continue to be my friend/s.

why does things have to be so hard

why does things have to be so hard. why is it everytime you turn around there is someone beating, murdering , or doing something they are not suppose to do to their child/children. and they can have baby after baby. people who does drugs before and after they find out they are pregnant and continue even after they have the baby can get pregnant real easy. and people like my husband and i can not even get pregnant no matter what we try. yes i know we have not tried the fertility shots but we just dont feel like we are ready for that at this time. maybe in another year or two. did i do something wrong as a child/teenager/young adult to cause my body to fail me in this department. that is how it feels that my body failed me on this. no i never did drugs. and i still dont but my thyroid meds that the doctor has me on. yes i have drunk but i have not drunk to the point where i was doing stupid things. and i never drink and drive and i dont like for people to drink and drive around me. so why is that i can not get pregnant but theses people that do things like that can.

i just dont get how you can murder your baby or children. they are the most precious things on this earth. you should love and take care of them. it makes me so sad to hear of someone murdering their baby.

YAY.... we finally

yay we finally have a new desk top and got it all hooked up and on the internet. took me all day to get it on the internet but we are now on the internet with the wireless. so proud of myself in doing it all on my own. had to go buy a new wireless adapter for the desktop because of the one i got yesterday didnt want to work and come to find out i was putting my password in wrong lol. so now we have two brand new adapters. may just keep them both for just incase one stops working you can never tell about theses things. we are all doing good. just staying busy. i got put of the spare room repainted. just got to finish it up sometime this next week. and get started on painting the living room and kitchen. and i bought a couple more things for that wedding shower. and i still havent bought nothing for the alice in wonderland tea party. i just cant figure out how i want to decorate it. i do know of some center pieces i want to do and i think i may go by hobby lobby tomorrow to see if i can find somethings i want to do. well i am going to go i just wanted to update you all on that we now have a desktop and it is on the internet lol.

march already

wow can you believe it is already march. feb went by really fast. feb was a busy month for me. moved into our home here in alabama. started unpacking. my uncle passed away. helped my mom and dad make jewerly so they can sale in yard sales to make them a little extra money. started painting the spare room. i didnt loose any weight but i havent tried as i have been really busy. oh i started buying things for the wedding shower in may.

march is going to be another busy month for me. still have alot of painting to do. going to try to start working out. hopefully i will be able to finish unpacking this month. will be buying more stuff for the wedding shower and then buying things for my alice in wonderland party. oh we are going to have so much fun at both of these functions.

other then all that we are doing okay.

is bored so i thought i would go ahead update

i was sitting here bored while i take a break from unpacking and cleaning, so i thought i would update you all on somethings. things are okay i guess. got to move our stuff in our home in alabama on feb 12. didnt get to start to stay until like feb 16. as i was down at the house on feb 16 waiting for the phone and internet to be turned on and to up with directtv so the satelite could be turned on, my mom calls and tells me that my uncle (the one that found out he had cancer 11 months ago) could pass at any minute. and then about like a hour later she calls to tell me that he passed away. she it is hard but i know he isnt in pain anymore. it was really hard the day we had the service and buried him. i couldnt see him in the coffin. i want to remember all the good times. the times as a kid going over to his house for cook outs or watching the brave games. i want to remember times like that. and i dont want the last time i seen him being in a coffin. okay now to move to other things. i think i have lost alittle weight in my butt and legs. i think the easy tones are working that area lol. i need to get a treadmill and something that will work my abs. that is the area i need to work is my abs. i need to flatten my stomach. i also been trying not to eat big plates of food and trying to eat right. you know i havent really want you say have had a lot of sweets here lately. i know i may have a small cake but that is it. today started the day of no soft drinks for me anymore. i would say yesterday started it but i had a dr pepper yesterday so today started my no soft drinks. i wonder how long that will last. i am hoping that i will never have another soft drink again but you can never tell with me lol. hey i will emit i have my moments of where i want a soft drink and i am going to get it. still trying to find a good adoption agency here in alabama. i hope we can find one soon and get started on that because we want to adopt a baby. i have a appointment tomorrow to go and see my family doctor to get my iron checked. i feel like my iron is low. i keep bruises everytime i bump into something. and i havent been this bad with bruises in a long time. when i was a kid i did have a problem with my iron staying low. i hope that tomorrow i will be able to get something for it. and find out how low it is. it be my luck it wont be low and it is just my body playing tricks on me lol. i am also going to talk to the doctor about my allergies to. i am so tired of having a stuffy nose. and i know it is from my allergies. i hope i can find something out about that. well that is it for now. i will try to update you all again soon. i hope you all are doing good.

can you believe it is feb

can you believe it is already feb. i know i am four days late in writing this but i have been really busy here lately. we got our things moved from texas the last weekend in jan. our things are in storage right now. we are having to wait until the person that is renting our house from us in winfield to move. which should be this weekend so next weekend we should be able to move our stuff. feb is going to be a busy month. well not to busy but it is a short month. we, well my family and i has move my and mike's stuff. got to get settled in our home. going to start weight watchers this month. that is if we have the money after bills and having things turned on at the house in winfield and buy groceries for me to have. i am hoping that i will be able to find me a job this month. i am also planning two parties. one is in may that is for my cousin and her husband to be. i am so happy for them. and the other party is going to be in june. it is my alice in wonderland tea party. i am undecided how many people i want to invite for that. if i just want to make it just family or family and some friends. i will be letting the ones i invite to that know sometime this month or next month one. i really dont have to much more to update you all on but if there is anything else that comes up i will let you all know.

2010 is gone hello 2011

i can not believe how fast 2010 went by. so glad that mike and i got to spend it together. we got to do all kinds of things in 2010. we moved twice. we moved from al to va then va to tx. while in va we went to pa, washington d.c. got to see a old friend (which we will have to make plans to meet up again. like meet up somewhere in the middle lol). we also went to va beach. we had a pretty good time while we was in va. just wish we had more time there. we also decided that we want to adopt but we had to put he adoption process on hold because of money and mike fixing to get deployed again. but we are hoping by 2012 we will be able to adopt. we havent gotten to do to much while in tx because of mike being so busy with preparing to get deployed again. but we did take some time in dec to go to sea world. we had a okay time at sea world. i got my licenses last year. dec was a good month i guess. even though mike was really busy at the beginning of dec. but we had a good dec. i think what made it good was that we had a good christmas. we wish we could have gotten to spend christmas with our family but we understand why they couldnt come for a visit.


jan is going to be a busy month for us. there is just to much going on here in jan.


okay the things i know 2011 has in store for me.

saying see later to mike because he is getting deployed.

taken some online classes for photography.

hopefully being able to find a job.

hopefully getting pregnant (yep i still hope and pray that i will get pregnant but we still want to adopt)

saving money for adoption.

hopefully having yard sale after yard sale to raise money up for adoption.
hopefully lose some weight


and so on


i hope that 2011 is a good year for everyone.